Memories, 26 Saint Hill, Guest Post


Very happy to share the following addition to our informal Saint Hill history. It comes from a person of distinguished record at Saint Hill who was intimately connected with the Manor for some years after the Hubbards left. I am grateful for the contribution and welcome more. Many thanks to “Dr. Buzzard” for these fascinating recollections.

More Tales from the Manor House 

Over the years, Ken and I occupied some of the same posts, and I later worked under him (he was a great boss!!!). Not too long after Ron and the family left to sea, I took over a post whose duties included management of the Manor house and Ron’s personal staff.

Ken’s Mrs. and Mr. “Smith” were named Gladys and Denny. Denny only showed up a few hours a week and did odd jobs around the place. His accent was indecipherable. Gradually he came in less and less and then eventually not at all. Sometime later, Gladys also faded into the mist and they both retired. Gladys was extremely grateful to Ron for keeping Denny on at full pay even for the few hours he worked. When they retired, they continued to be paid at full pay.

Ken remarked to me that Gladys must have been lonely after the Hubbard family had gone. There was in fact quite a bit of activity in the Manor over the years. Every year, a troop of gypsies used to arrive and clean the windows inside and out. Gladys would keep everything under lock and key except the room they were working in, keeping an eagle eye out for light fingers.

We had a love-hate relationship with the local district fire department. They knew that portions of the Manor house were being used for “business” but turned a bit of a blind eye. However, once a year they wanted to “exercise” in the building. Gladys would lay out runners on the stair carpets to protect it from the firemen’s boots as they charged up the stairs to the roof.

On the roof, the Manor had a large water tank (the object of the firemen’s interest) and there was another one in the kitchen ceiling. The water pressure was so low in that part of the country that the tanks filled as they could at any hours they could and then the house supply was fed from them. The supply pressure was really bad in the summertime and must have been terrible during the later English droughts.

For congresses and open days, I used to conduct guided tours of the entrance hall, Ron’s office, the Winter Garden and a couple of upstairs rooms. Gladys always watching from the wings.

There were also visitors to the Manor for the house staff to manage. Mary Sue made at least two visits that I knew of. Sea Org missions, starting from the very first one that treated Reg Sharpe (one of most prominent figures in Scientology at the time) in such an abominable manner and alienated possibly Ron’s only real, personal friend. Story aside: At the time I first arrived in Saint Hill, there was only one telex machine, and it was situated in, of all places, the reception area. Telexes were left lying around on a desk on the presumption that people couldn’t read upside down. I thought for years everyone could do that…and there was a telex from Mary Sue begging Reg to come back to the fold.

Gladys and Irene, Ron’s personal secretary, provided a kindness to my wife (of 50 years next year!) when she was pregnant. Due to complications, she couldn’t be left alone at home and ended up spending the last 8 weeks of her term flat on her back in bed in the hospital. Prior to that, she had to come in to work with me. She was not on staff but worked in the solarium sorting out the mess with the mimeo files that Pubs Org had left when they fled England for Scotland. (The laws of England do not automatically apply in Scotland and there was a real threat that we would be banned. Same reason for the first AO being located in Scotland.) The staff ladies took my wife under their wing and arranged for her to have her afternoon nap up in one of the empty bedrooms.

When the OT Liaison (OTL) office to interface Saint Hill with the Sea Org operations was established, they were housed in the Manor as well. This required a cook and some additional staff. Ron’s cook John Henry (who has been mentioned by Ken) came back to the Manor for a while after he left the ship. But he became famous for getting drunk on the cooking brandy and chasing someone out of the kitchen waving a meat cleaver. There were a couple of other cooks that I recall, an elderly lady whose name escapes me and a wonderful New Zealand girl, Margaret.

Stories from Ron’s secretary Irene:

The chair in Ron’s office was tied by rope to the desk so that no one could sit in it. Ron didn’t like anyone sitting at his desk and could tell instantly if this had occurred. He also complained that he could never get a hot bath because the pipes in the house were so rusty. In the bathroom off the main stairs (the ‘secret door’), there were bottles of Vichy water. The high iron content in the local tap water made Ron nauseous.

When Ron first moved to East Grinstead, he bought the big petrol station/garage that was in the centre of town. It was supposed to pay for the running of Saint Hill. Irene says she doesn’t know what the problem was but he sold it because it was not making a profit. He also bought another manor house in the area that had had a fire and was derelict. That was eventually sold off as well.

Other stories from around the Manor:

There was a horse and stable on the grounds (not to be confused with The Stables, which was housing for some of the Saint Hill staff). Diana had a pony that got left behind when the Hubbards went on board the first Sea Org ship at Southampton. A local girl looked after it for years at no pay, just for the pleasure of it. Diana eventually gave her the horse.

Fishermen used to come and ask to fish in the lake. They thought there must be some pretty big fish in there because it hadn’t been fished for years. The Org used to refuse them until I had the idea to charge them a pound and issue them with a Saint Hill fishing certificate.

There was a sewage plant on the estate, and the final destination for the effluent after-treatment was the lake. It then flowed into a local stream. The stream would sometimes fail sanitation tests until additional work on the outlet had been done. Ron used to receive nasty letters from the surrounding farmers about the fact that he didn’t participate in the regional drainage plan committee. Regarding Ken’s story of the next-door farmer’s access through a gate by the lake, I saw all the correspondence. LRH’s strategy (of a type often repeated elsewhere) was to deny that any access agreement existed (it obviously did).

One time, a horse was witnessed running into the lake, putting its head underwater, and drowning. The vet’s thought was that it got a wasp up its nose. One of the OTL ‘seamen’ had access to some scuba gear and pulled it out.

The electrical wiring in the place was a mess. If a fuse ever blew, it could take weeks to find it. A staff member with electrical experience was employed to sort it out. As I recall it took him nine months to trace and label all the wiring and fuses. He got a commendation from Ron.

Up in the back corner of the estate was a small house hidden behind hedges that the local council didn’t know about. The OTL took over the building without asking anyone (as was generally the case with the SO) and used it for training. The Saint Hill Choir then also took to using it. Between them, they decided it was too dark inside, so they cut down all the rhododendrons that hid the building. Big fight with me! Luckily, the local council didn’t notice.

The Manor staff and LRH’s personal secretary and librarian (Anne) were notionally part of and paid by the Worldwide Org. That was fine until students were blocked from entering the UK and gross income fell out the bottom. Then staff wages dropped via the conditions policies. All the Manor staff were about to depart due to lack of pay. I sent an urgent request and Ron hived them off as being his personal staff (Herbie was not amused!)

In the basement were two large safes that were under my care. They mainly held the corporate seals for all the orgs. However, one locked drawer always intrigued me. With the help of a large screwdriver I got it open. Inside were 16 hallmarked, sterling-silver ear bracelets. I wrote and asked about them, and Ron said to sell them (???). From what I was able to find out, the best I could determine was that they had been intended for the first Clearing Course (which wasn’t successful).

Then there was the time the Intelligence Office at Worldwide got told there were hidden passages in the Manor house. I had to take Mo Budlong over every inch of the place, including donning overalls and crawling under the house. In the rear courtyard, there was a set of steps leading down into a small room that would have been used as the “cool room” for meat, milk, etc. In the back of the room was an access hole to the area under the house floorboards. We had a great time – “boys own.”

There are some other stories worth recording, about other subjects from those times, but for now I hope these bits may add to Ken’s memories of his very much more personal relationships.

© Dr. Buzzard, 2018

[A little more information about “The Stables”: This was a collection of farm buildings including the farmhouse. It must have been the ‘home farm’ of the original Saint Hill estate, as well as providing stabling for the Maharaja’s polo ponies. It’s the farm that LRH was prevented from buying. Some time after LRH left Saint Hill, Reg Sharpe, whom Dr. Buzzard refers to, who still lived near the Manor (and just across the road from the farm) and whom LRH had treated badly, as Dr. B. recounts, shrewdly bought the farm. Knowing Reg, I’m sure he bought it partly because it put him one up on LRH and the SO (not that Reg was bitter, he just liked to be smart in taking opportunities he fancied). At any rate, later on again, the SO desperately needed property close to SH and of course Reg was happy to sell the farm to them for a good return on his investment. The farm was used for staff accommodation and, I believe, for staff catering. – ku]POSTED ON

Memories, 25 SH Episodes: Bed-Making, Appendix

Here, for possible interest, are photos of the report I sent LRH on the withhold-pulling along with the “session report.” Below the images is some discussion of discrepancies between what I’ve written and what the images show.

"Mrs. Smith" Auditor's Report, 5 April, 1965
Upper portion of report; lower portion follows below.

This record shows up discrepancies, such as:

  1. I wrote in the last post that Mrs. Smith and I were not in session. If I formally started a session, I’ve forgotten it. The dominating memory is that it was a rather breathless affair–the sooner got through the better–and not a formal session.
  2. I wrote that I used the Murder Routine. It isn’t mentioned in the documents here. I am sure I used it, if briefly, as I remember Mrs. Smith’s face when I suggested some crime to her, and wondering if I’d clumsily overdone it. I don’t recall having any reason at all to exclude the fact from the report to LRH.
  3. I started off with a different process than the cleaning of withholds since, as a matter of fact, I wasn’t trained yet to take up withholds.
  4. I should have asked LRH for written instructions suitable for my level of training. I didn’t. One tended to do things off-the-cuff in those days. Later on, he would have reprimanded me for not having the written instructions.
  5. In an earlier post, I said that soon after I went to SH in 1963, he promoted me to Household Officer. Yet in this memo to him dated April 1964, I’m writing him from the Butler position. I must have misremembered when the promotion took place.
  6. In another earlier post, I told how LRH had invited me to call him “Ron” soon after my arrival at SH, but again, here I am in April 1964, still addressing him as “Dr. Hubbard.” My memory isn’t trustworthy as regards times, date, and figures.
  7. In the second part of this Episode, I wrote that Mrs. Smith made off as soon as we had finished, but the report I made at the time says that she hung around and was chatty! The report has to take precedence.
  8. I’ve said that Mrs. Smith pronounced it “Sinee-ology”. The 1965 report says it was “Sinology” that she said. Better take the report as the accurate account.
  9. The biggest discrepancy of all is that neither LRH nor I followed up on the action; as long as I was in the Household, Mrs. Smith had no other auditing, and no briefing on what “Sinology” was all about. This is bad and sad.

Apologies for textual discrepancies. Will be mindful of the tendency in future.

[How I come to still possess these and some other items that passed between LRH and me is in itself an interesting little story about LRH and the Sea Org and me, for future telling.]

(c) Kenneth G. Urquhart, 2018.POSTED ON

Memories, 24 The Bed-Making Situation: Meter Required! (II)

[Chapter Seven, Episode One, (II)]

The Bed-Making Situation: E-Meter Required!

Part Two of Two

The story told here begins with LRH’s mysterious decision that he needed another place to sleep. In the crush of activity nearly always present around him, the reason for this change whizzed by me. A single bed (U.S.: twin bed) was set up for him on the top floor of the Manor. However, he continued to use his bedroom for his morning ritual of chocolate, Kools, conversation, and toilet.

He was not happy with the way Mrs. Smith was making up his new bed. He had told her, he said to me after a few days of the new arrangement, how he wanted it. The next day, he told me she was still getting it wrong. But he didn’t say any more about it and he changed the subject, thus not putting me directly on to the matter. So I left him to it. One more day, and he was getting cross with Mrs. Smith. It was something to do with how she tucked in the bedclothes or didn’t tuck them in; LRH wasn’t making it easy for me to follow what was going on. If he wanted to deal with Mrs. Smith himself, fine with me. If he wanted me to deal with Mrs. Smith on the question, he had only to tell me, fair and square.

In characteristically masterful fashion, he took action to end his dilemma. He told me, fair and square, and what he told me took me by surprise. One would have expected him to show me what he wanted on his bed and require me to pass this on to Mrs. Smith and make sure that she got it. No. L. Ron Hubbard, in this instance, wasn’t doing anything fair and square. “She has withholds”, he pronounced. “You are doing your auditor training. Get your meter and pull them.” I had no answer for this and went off in some dread of how this caper could turn out, but not thinking of shirking the task, much as I’d have liked to.

I knew Mrs. Smith would not like it one bit, and I was right. She saw me coming with my meter and the cans, and she set off in the opposite direction. I followed her and in due course trapped her in a bathroom, I nearest its door. I made her take the cans and I started in on her. She had no faintest idea of what I wanted but was thoroughly scared, cheerfulness obviously ineffective. I insisted on knowing what it was that she was not telling Dr. Hubbard. She, understanding at last what we were after, insisted she had no secrets from him whatever.

All trained auditors and some people who’ve received auditing know about the Murder Routine. This routine is Plan B when the person subjected to questioning declines to cooperate with the auditor who is asking for things not being talked about. When required by the rules governing auditing to get whatever the recipient of the auditing is withholding, the auditor is under orders to persuade the recipient to divulge the information (for the recipient’s own sake), but in a manner that preserves the recipient’s self-respect.  [When the auditor does the work of helping the recipient clean up withholds well, the recipient experiences much relief. In fact, it is work of high mercy.]

Having asked our recipient to reveal a secret, and not getting the truth, the auditor uses the Murder Routine to get around the recipient’s reluctance to speak out. In this routine, the auditor suggests to the person that he or she is actually hiding a terrible crime (such as murder—hence the routine’s name). The “victim” is thoroughly relieved to be able to deny any such dreadful thing, and in a little while begins to see that rather than be suspected of felonies, he or she had better spit out whatever petty thing which sits there not being talked about.

So it was with Mrs. Smith. She was utterly astonished by the awful deeds I was suggesting she might be hiding. The routine did its job, and she spat it out. Since she and I were not “in session” (had we been, I’d be bound by the Auditor’s Code not to reveal what she told me), and since she is long gone, and since it is hardly a historical turning point, I will report her Big Secret.

“I don’t know what this Sinee-ology is all about,” she wailed in her country-woman accent, her fearful false teeth flashing pitifully. Along with that little speech came a movement downwards on the meter’s controls and a needle response which told me I had got all I would get for the moment. Satisfied, I allowed Mrs. Smith to make her escape.

Also relieved that I had a little substance with which to respond to my orders, I sent a report to LRH at once, describing how the action had gone. He returned this report to me with the notation: “You’re an auditor!” That was good of him in a way, but it didn’t have much impact on me or my assessment of myself as an auditor. The whole thing was surreal, and I felt I’d actually done Mrs. Smith a real disservice by suddenly yanking her into the Scientology world without warning in the face of her long-established and hitherto agreed-upon position on the other side of the room from us Scientologists.

Whether Mrs. Smith was now able to make her master’s bed as he wished, I never knew. I heard not one word more on the matter. Whether Mrs. Smith’s not knowing what this Sinee-ology was all about prevented her from making LRH’s bed to his satisfaction is, I take it, a moot point. My personal opinion is that in their conversations about the bed, she was so busy not pissing her pants in nervousness he could well have taken her confusion and corresponding fumbling of her sentences under his irritated gaze as some kind of obstinate obstruction due to “withholds.” Not able to look him directly in the face, she could appear to not want to face him at all. What she didn’t want to face was a big man bullying her.

Not long after, LRH went back to sleeping in his regular bedroom.

LRH was never slow to believe that a subordinate had hidden intentions to thwart or prevent his great work, and he could blind himself to the subordinate’s actual feelings, both in his initial evaluation of the perceived “opposition” and in the consequent treatment of the supposedly erring staff member.

It’s a regret, as I look back, that I didn’t intervene earlier to help Mrs. Smith sort out what our boss really wanted so she could provide it without further fuss. I was at fault in keeping my distance, and to that degree I let her down when she deserved better. It wouldn’t be the last time I forewent the opportunity to stand up to LRH on behalf of an associate, although there were times that I did take that stand.

It’s part of the unhappy history of L. Ron Hubbard and of his Church that so few of us around him had the good sense to speak out to him when he needed it most. We didn’t speak out to him about the culture he nurtured silently in his group as he aged–‘silently’ because he had directed us otherwise in his published materials.

In the culture he came to prefer around him in the Sea Organization [SO] and which we in the SO came to accept out of admiration for his so-evident brilliance, we came to agree that we should be wary of speaking out to him of all people. Brave was the executive that spilled his or her heart to contradict L. Ron Hubbard.

We silenced our hearts and our consciences in buying into his SO culture; how easily we could have changed things had we simply asked him to explain why never questioning his judgement was so smart. Being able to ask such questions is one of the desirable results of Scientology auditing and training. Had we questioned his judgement we might have had less Sea Organization but we would have had more Scientology: we’d have been focusing on what was kind, true, and necessary to Life rather than to what LRH had become.

(c) Kenneth G. Urquhart, 2018POSTED ON

Memories, 23     Saint Hill Episodes: The Bed-Making Situation (I)

[Chapter Seven]

Saint Hill Episodes: The Bed-Making Situation

Part One of Two

A local woman acted as the Hubbard’s housekeeper. She had been with them for years, since long before I joined them, well established in her position in the household and in her close relationship with Mary Sue. I believe she was in considerable awe of “Dr. Hubbard”, as he was then formally known. Anybody might be in awe of such a formidable mountain of a personality around whom the winds could roar and the storms would blow.

I’ll call her “Mrs. Smith”, which is not her real name, because I don’t want to feel that I’m invading her privacy. She is long gone and although anyone is free to write about another, I don’t have a good reason to glue the memory of her to the notoriety assigned by many to her employers. She deserves to be left in peace. At the same time, she is part of a story showing how her employer dealt with an episode that reveals more about him than about her.

The duties of this housekeeper, Mrs. Smith, consisted mostly of doing the daily maid-work in the house; she also did the shopping for the kitchen and for anything Mary Sue might need her to get locally. She handled her accounts directly with Mary Sue. Another local woman came to the Manor a couple of days a week to see to the laundry; this woman reported to Mrs. Smith, and together they managed the Hubbards’ laundry needs.

Mrs. Smith was definitely a local person. She looked to me to have been a farmer’s daughter, brought up in the farmhouse. She might have been a farm labourer’s daughter, for all I know, but she carried herself with an assertiveness and alertness that showed she had no reservations about where she had come from and felt unquestionably entitled to her fair share of respect within her circle. I had no idea of her history and didn’t ask her about it, but I never questioned my assumption that she was altogether a countrywoman, quite distinct from a townswoman.

Mrs. Smith was small of stature, not thin, but solid and tending to wiriness. She strode purposefully, always. On duty, she wore a dark-blue polyester or nylon house coat, sensible shoes, stockings, and a remarkably—even aggressively—plain white blouse buttoned to the neck. Her hair was of an ordinary, dull-grey colour, clean and tidy, combed but never seen attentively dressed. One didn’t come across her with a hat except for the practical needs of rain or cold. For rain she wore a plain plastic pleated hood tied under her chin, and for the cold, a woollen cap.

Her face was round. Its striking feature, to my eyes, was the jutting lower jaw with its masterful chin and decidedly firm set of mouth. So straight was the mouth that it’s hard to recall her lips. They tightly and tautly shut out any sign of softness or tenderness, although, aside from her fond friendship with Mary Sue and her cheery relations with the children (and with most people around her), I was never in a position to see her in intimate moments.

I think most people, knowing her and her quiet, gentle old husband, a slow, stooping, elderly fellow, a labourer in the Saint Hill estate department, would take it that in their domesticity the wife wore the trousers with iron fists, and that any tenderness he might get he would have to earn and would win only after hard work. Neither of them looked as though he did that work too often. One could believe, though, that once she had established her tyranny and was allowed to maintain it, she would generally exercise it in kindly fashion.

She did not give the impression of being a bully, just of being a naturally dominating woman wise enough to pick boundaries according to her resources and her aims. Her aims seem to prefer a minimum of avoidable friction. At work in the Manor and, I would certainly suppose, in association with the other women in her life, she would cooperate cheerfully enough; once she had grasped what was needed from her she would set about producing it, needing no prodding. She would assuredly have definite opinions about what might be going on amongst her outside women associates, but Mrs. Smith would keep her considerations to herself whilst in their friendly company, perhaps having plenty to say to a confidante, later. I always assumed she had plenty to say away from the Manor about me and about my performance as her immediate superior but didn’t bother myself too much about it. She was not a gossip.

The other striking feature in her face was its look of constant alertness. She was seemingly very careful to evaluate her position in the interchange of the moment. It was important to her to see what was coming and to know whether what was coming was to be good or bad for her. This in itself can be important to all of us from time to time; constant alertness to possibilities and consequences are part of life. For Mrs. Smith, it was as though a large and heavy hand was permanently raised in front of her, a hand that had been hitting her too hard until she’d learned how to put on the act that pacified its owner. And in the script I’m writing for her (with no basis but my own subjective impressions), that act consisted of adopting some suitable immediate cheeriness for the purpose of transforming the gathering storm into something sunnier—so the hand would relax. But Mrs. Smith lived forever in the shadow of that hand.

Thus, behind her cheery alertness was a vulnerability to which, for some reason, I found myself sensitive. I wanted not to invade it. I respected the courage with which this human being had found her way to keep a threat at bay, a process that fulfilled and affirmed her self-respect.  Further, it succeeded in limiting the damage threatened by the older person to herself and to himself (it felt like a heavy male hand) and to the family. She had learned to face a demon and had borne the cost to her peace of mind.

One of the saddest aspects of human existence can be the ignorance of the abusive adult as to the depth and range of disturbance brought to the totality of the life of the abused child. And one of the most serious aspects, too:


All of this detail about Mrs. Smith is partly a tribute to her and partly to introduce the episode of the Situation involving her good self and the bed and the e-meter (the last wielded by me). Before proceeding with this episode I need to add to the detail some particulars of how she and I related personally.

I had come to the Manor already a committed Scientologist to whom L. Ron Hubbard was Supreme Leader in every way. As a Scientologist I was extremely privileged by my closeness to Ron (as he was universally known in those days within the group), and conscious of my privilege. Mrs. Smith was in the Manor entirely as a non-Scientologist; her presence and her work in the Manor had nothing to do with Scientology at all. As far as she was concerned, her employers’ involvement with that group was incidental. She was in awe of Dr. Hubbard and devoted to Mrs. Hubbard as people, not as Scientologists, let alone as the two seniormost Scientologists of all.

The work for herself and for her husband must have been a boon to her at their ages. It provided good money, perhaps to supplement their state pensions (she looked quite old enough to be getting one, and he certainly was) and to add to whatever nest-egg Mrs. Smith was sitting on. She was not about to throw away such a great blessing.

The difference between us, I have to confess, encouraged me to put myself on one level in the household, relative to the Hubbards, and Mrs Smith on quite a lower level. To tell the awful truth, I allowed myself to tolerate Mrs. Smith. I tolerated her because she did her best to do a good job and in doing so she satisfied our employers. There was no need for me to intervene in any aspect of her performance. Could I have been more grateful and acknowledging of her than I was? Most certainly. Could I have gone out of my way to be constantly socially pleasant, as Mary Sue could do? Yes, but I didn’t, although I was never unpleasant to her that I can recall. All the same, I did stoutly maintain a distance that could not have been pleasing to her. She must have seen that I did not relish personal closeness, even though I felt I was as supportive to her in her job as she herself called on me to be.

I held a distance from Mrs. Smith partly because she was so far away from me in terms of Scientology. She was a non-believer, deliberately ignoring the subject and purpose of her employers’ existence. I didn’t look down on her for this but she put herself on the other side of the room, so to speak. It wasn’t my place to persuade her over to our side of the room; if she made no move, neither would I.

There were other dissonances between us. Mrs. Smith had a rather shrill voice which she could throw at one with a fair bit of energy, as though enforcing the cheerfulness she considered a necessary part of living. Unfortunately, the shrillness, the volume, and the “cheerful” energy hit over-sensitive nerves in my ears that were uncomfortable with the impact. I could usually manage a polite face but I could not encourage conversation past a certain point. I just didn’t have it in me.

There was a certain aesthetic about the Hubbards themselves and about their lovely home. It appealed to me greatly. Had Mrs. Smith gone about her duties without talking to me, and talking quietly to others in my hearing, she would not have interfered with what I valued about the aesthetics. Alas, she pointed up that the Hubbards’ giving her an important place in their home had encouraged her in her belief in noisy and insistent good cheer. She made herself look and sound a bit vulgar. Well, quite vulgar. I was snobbish enough to notice it, and to notice it much too often. After a while, I began to blanket out Mrs. Smith’s cheerful but grating noise.

And so, to some degree, I blanketed out my responsibility to offer Mrs. Smith help with any difficulty she might have in serving our master to the best of her ability, and for her own peace of mind and satisfaction as well as for his. I’ll show in the next post, in which Mrs. Smith gets on the wrong side of The Boss, how in the end he got me involved with her—not with any good sense I might have, but with my e-meter.

© Kenneth G. Urquhart, 2018POSTED ON

Memories, 22 The Boss, Part Four

[Chapter Six]

The Boss: Depths and Perspectives

Part Four   —   Adult Reality, Childish Hardball

The cook that came to work for the Hubbards at Saint Hill one week after I arrived there had to leave within a couple of months because her mother’s health had deteriorated. This quiet, modest, reliable young woman, no stranger to consistent work, had proved herself a decided asset in the household and a major pillar of support for me as I went about establishing myself in my new position as butler to L. Ron Hubbard, once able to leave the kitchen entirely to her. Mary Sue had appreciated her warmly. We knew we would miss her, but thoroughly supported her as a daughter. I don’t know that she was outstanding as a cook, or highly trained as one, but she was obviously equal to all the ordinary demands that were made on her by a family that did not look for more than rather ordinary meals. The cleanliness and tidiness of her kitchen were exemplary. There were no complaints against her. That Mary Sue was personally happy with her showed that her work was well received.

We had a succession of cooks over the next several months, none of whom lasted very long, and I believe (memory not being too clear) that most of them left of their own accord. A couple were temporary, in any case. After our third or so replacement, I was about to look for another when LRH gave me an interesting instruction: “Ask them if they like eating.” I supposed he’d had some food on his plate that made him wonder what the provider’s intention might be.

Most of the applicants came to us through a London agency. I used the agency because I didn’t have time to go looking or advertising, since the cooking for the household devolved back on to me if there was no cook in the kitchen. I had, or felt I had, to keep all of my other duties going as well as I could despite being tied to the stove and the meal schedule, so a day off to go cook-hunting on my own was not feasible.

The house was not over-generous in its wages. Whoever had got hold of that first cook had struck gold. It took us just more than a year to find as good a cook, as hard-working, and one as able to fit in with the working environment in that kitchen.

Thus, being in between cooks was not a happy time for me. Each new one seemed to be nervous about coming, nervous about staying, and soon eager to go. I had to hire the least-unlikely of the lot so as not to let backlogs in my own work build up. I’d start the new cook and get back to my own duties feeling that here was another one not going to last very long. In the end, John Henry came to us and came to my rescue. An older man from St. Helena, he managed his situation in the Saint Hill kitchen with great aplomb, and soon fell under MSH’s potent spell, she being by nature a thoroughly charming woman when relaxed. If encouraged by a welcoming response she would throw over the new acquaintance a happy cloak of cheery bonhomie. John Henry came to adore her and later followed the Hubbards to the big Scientology ship where he continued to serve them for at least a couple of years until he retired to sail back to his remote island home.

At the Manor, John Henry would spend his weekly day off in London, as I had when I first went to Saint Hill. One day, I happened to read the British newspaper The Daily Telegraph (not a regular habit of mine) and my eye fell on a small paragraph. In those days, in the sixties, the practice of homosexuality was still a crime. Men who cruised public places looking for male partners were arrested when caught by the police. The papers would report such arrests briefly and refer to the ‘crime’ as “soliciting” or “importuning.” This particular paragraph reported that a John Henry had been arrested for soliciting in a public lavatory and it happened on our John Henry’s day off.

There was no mention of Saint Hill in the paper, much to my relief. I couldn’t know if it was in fact our John Henry but was quite prepared to ask him about the report, should LRH advise or require it. John Henry had already given me an idea that he had some sort of connection with that orientation by virtue of some (harmless) stories that he had told me and the manner in which he had told them. These were stories of others he had known, and he spoke of them in homosexual relationships. The subject had some fascination for him but I couldn’t say that he’d ever gone farther than fascination. The report said not a word about what had actually happened to bring about the arrest. [There had been another recent story about an elderly senior cleric in the Church of England who’d been arrested on the same charge. The poor unsuspecting and innocent old fellow had a nervous tic that the zealous undercover policeman had completely misunderstood as he prowled that public lavatory.]

Of course, I reported this “John Henry” development to LRH at once, who appeared not concerned. He gave me no startling instructions, a little to my surprise, given how unsympathetic towards homosexuality he’d shown himself to be in one of his books [Science of Survival]. As John Henry had settled down in our kitchen, was performing very well, and had become one of the household, I was very all right with not losing him. There seemed to be no need to induce great concern over the two young boys in the family, Quentin and Arthur. Neither of them spent any time in the kitchen nor had made friends with John Henry, nor had he shown signs of wanting to closely befriend them (or anyone else, for that matter; his happiness in MSH was a given). This state of affairs between him and the two boys continued as before. Moreover, John Henry’s demeanour in the house had never given any indication of hidden intentions towards any part of the family.

[And that’s as far as that story goes. This little detour into cookery-procurement and into John Henry (with which I’ve entertained myself), has taken me well ahead of the tale I’m about to relate. It’s by way of explaining why I was so disappointed in LRH’s telling me, long before John Henry, to give the then-current cook a month’s wages in lieu of letting the man, newly employed, work out the notice he had given me the day before. This little scene, in which Hubbard tore off one of his veils, follows now. ]

Several weeks after the unhappy brush over the unlocked back door of the Manor and my supposedly bad thoughts about a possible invasion of the children’s quarters, I had again to quickly replace a cook. The cook in question was an older man who had come to us for a month’s trial from the London agency only a week before. His bona fides were fine. One could easily be taken aback by the way he presented himself. He was slightly swarthy, stocky and powerfully built, with a slight stoop. The abundant hair on his head and his bushy eyebrows were almost demonically black (but you wouldn’t think to look at him that he was a man who would think of dyeing his hair). He had a heavy black beard but did not shave closely. Unhappinesses had taken over his eyes and mouth, brooding there as though ready to erupt in sudden violent protest. The master of the house did not come into the kitchen to meet him but he may well have seen him or heard the children’s or their mother’s impressions of him.

But the reality I found in working with this new cook was that he was a sweet, gentle, dignified old man regardless of his unusually ruffian, pirate-like appearance. His work was all right but he, not being happy at the Manor, soon gave notice. I immediately informed LRH and told him I would get a new person in. The following day, LRH told me it would be better to give the man his month’s wages and to let him go at once. I reeled, not happy to have the cooking to do again, and so soon, along with the stress of recruiting yet another new cook.

LRH noticed my reservation, of course, and he proceeded to enlighten me as to his reasons—in his own way of enlightening. He said he had his concerns about the man, remarking that said concerns entailed something difficult for most people to confront. I took that to mean that since I didn’t know what he was talking about, I was the “most people” having difficulty in confronting whatever it was that LRH hadn’t yet made clear, for the reasons that he was not only so brilliantly clever to think about it but also so good in confronting such dreadful possibilities. Also understood was that dumb me didn’t know what was going on. Dumb me could see, nonetheless, that he wanted to get on with the enlightenment: his vastly superior understanding of the state of affairs demanded that he make himself, at last, understandable, no matter the cost to me.

“It’s the children”, he explained heavily, and with just a suspicion of quiet triumph.

Again, he shocked me to my core, and for the second time over this same subject, but this time completely reversing the reality of our previous roles. In the prior instance, I’d brought something to his attention he was not minded to take seriously in that moment. Evidently, though, the question had buzzed about in his mind; he’d recognized that a point had been made (the possibility of an attack on his children), the making of which had put him on the back foot.

His solution to this unwelcome stance, I assumed, was to take over the whole thing as being of his own initiation rather than admit that another (me) had prompted him into self-examination and adjustment of view. Yet I was that other and I’d forgotten nothing, particularly that accusation to the executives that I’d somehow willed harm on the children. The unwillingness of the new and nasty-looking cook to stay, and the chance that he was harbouring some resentment about the family, gave the master the perfect chance to put me on my back foot with a bit of my own medicine. He could imply that since I hadn’t thought the nice old man capable of horrible crime, the possibility was something I was not able to confront.

But in actual fact, what was not easy to confront here was the perceived petty sleight of mind with which the Boss, a man highly respected by Scientologists all over the world for personal integrity and empathic acumen, had persuaded himself that he could now turn the tables on me to his own imagined advantage. At the same time, he blanked out from his awareness (normally so keen) that since I was party to the first encounter on the matter I could easily figure out what he was doing. I understood clearly. I was speechless. And very angry with him.

I bowed my head slightly to acknowledge my understanding of his instructions and went my way, accepting what would be of no use to resist, and to reflect on how I would deal with this insight into one of L. Ron Hubbard’s trouble-making thought patterns. I gave the cook his wages and off he went. Back to the stove went I.

The volte-face on my boss’s part of delivering a slap in my face when he might have given the slap to himself, was my first clear indication of how dangerous association with L. Ron Hubbard could be and of how thin the ice around him. Accordingly, I developed a thought process of my own that helped me navigate my relationship with him…

Take care; take nothing for granted; watch both his steps and your own; by no means ever give him reason to suppose you’re trying to trip him up—not that you’d want to but if he got that idea into his head, no knowing what he’d do; he is evidently familiar with that mode of behaviour. When he’s operating on vanity, reason is absent. [There, but for the grace of God, go we all.]

For sure an unpleasant development, it didn’t push me to consider either having a go at challenging his vanity (a non-starter, really, always) or leaving him. Although I was more watchful around him, my respect for the better side of him and for his work remained. If he as demi-god had a human side, well, he had a human side. No surprise there; the unpleasant surprises were firstly in how low, relatively, he allowed himself to stoop in human-ness, and, secondly, in how easily he persuaded himself that I wouldn’t have eyes with which to see what he was doing so openly to me and to himself.

At school, I’d read about the Earl of Strafford, a man of high principle (but, like so many men of that kind, also heavy-handed and partisan, making powerful enemies for himself), who had supported Charles I in the latter’s deadly struggles with the English Parliament (for domination and money) prior to the English Civil War in the mid-1600s. Strafford was executed at the insistence of his enemies in Parliament in one of their moves against the King. The warrant for his execution had to be signed by Charles, and Charles signed it; he’s said to have stated, as he reluctantly did so (having personally promised the Earl that he would come to no harm), that the Earl’s fate was happier than his own. In his turn, Strafford is said to have grimly declared, on receiving the news that the King had signed the warrant, “Put not your trust in Princes.” For some reason, that injunction struck a chord within me when I first read it as a boy. I felt I knew what it meant. Twelve years later, as a young man, I suddenly had a deeper and clearer understanding of the adult reality of the position: Around L. Ron Hubbard, my head, figuratively speaking, would be no safer than Strafford’s.

It was a lesson I never forgot throughout my years close to Hubbard, even though, as the months went by, his treatment of me at Saint Hill was, on the whole, without question remarkably friendly, cheerful, and kind. He looked after me, in fact, so generously, as one human to another, that to this day, I remember his Saint Hill persona fondly and with great gratitude. This, I believe, was part of his basic and true nature.

End of Chapter Six, Part Four, The Rending of a Veil

© Kenneth G. Urquhart, 2018POSTED ON

Memories, 21 The Boss, Part Three

[Chapter Six]

The Boss: Depths and Perspectives

Part Three   —   Knockings of Elbow

We had a few other moments of subdued asperity, the Boss and I. He mentioned one afternoon (his morning, that is) that he wasn’t sure why a point he’d been trying to make in a lecture was not easily understood by the public who went into the organizations to listen to his lectures. I made the big mistake of cleverly and helpfully telling him that I’d found some of the lectures hard to follow because of the big words or technical terms, and sometimes because of his pronunciation. On one taped lecture, for example, I’d had to listen to it several times before I became aware he wasn’t referring to an unidentified Major Somebody; he was saying the word ‘measure’ as though it were ‘mayzhure.’

Boy, did he bristle. “I don’t need anyone telling me I don’t know how to communicate“, he growled aggressively. I backed down, apologizing. Mary Sue came into the room and I was pretty sure she was about to get an earful about how clumsy I’d been. Was I worried about what he might say to my detriment to his wife? Not a bit. I did worry about a lot of things, but not about what was completely beyond my control.

One afternoon breakfast, during the time LRH was busying himself with producing a brochure to impress possible students from around the world with how wonderful things were in and about SH and the locality, he told me that he was going to photograph my bedroom as a sample of the accommodations available in houses in and around East Grinstead (the neighbouring town) for people travelling to Saint Hill to study. So I made sure my room was at least tidy and clean, bed made. The following day, the first thing I heard from him as I handed him his hot chocolate was, “Man, all those wrinkles in your bed that I had to straighten out!” I said nothing, waiting to see how serious he was; as he didn’t follow up on the complaining, I wasn’t caring about wrinkles on my bed. If he wanted to play maid in his butler’s room, he could go ahead.

A while after that, he came down with bronchitis. After having his hot chocolate (and smoking, despite the bronchitis) he’d go back to bed. I had to make up his bed while he drank his chocolate as he didn’t usually have breakfast during any of his infrequent bouts of illness, and he’d get back into his bed after the chocolate. He was not at all chatty.

On these sick days, since I was making his bed, I made very, very sure there was not one single wrinkle anywhere near that bed, and I made bed at high speed. One time, he became impatient while I worked at it. I was smoothing out those sheets and those blankets like anything, regardless. “You are not making me wrong, are you?” he asked in querulous tone, looking vaguely over his shoulder. We both understood he was referring to his having had a jab at me over the wrinkles in my own bed.

Happening to have completed the job at just that precise moment, I could cheerfully assure him that his bed was ready, leaving it to him to press his question if he wanted to. He seemed pacified by the news. Having thus shaken off the new jab, I made my exit, not being further needed in the room at the moment. [Had he faced me as he asked the question, I would have taken it seriously and faced him as I answered. The answer would have been “No, Sir.”]

Another day he really blew up at me, and quite rightly, after he’d told me that he wanted the barber in from East Grinstead the next afternoon. I was to phone the barber and make the appointment. He didn’t tell me that there was any importance attached to the task, and I forgot all about it until late the next morning. I went running around to try to find the chauffeur to see if I could bribe him to drive into East Grinstead and kidnap the barber. I could not find the man and swore at him enough to put his ears on fire. When LRH called—early—for his hot chocolate I took it up and waited, in some dread, for the terrible question. I did not want to say I’d let him down. He asked. I chattered and stammered about not being able to find the chauffeur in time. LRH accepted this in silence. He’d wanted the haircut because he needed one, for that day he was planning to make a film about his recent research. He went ahead and made the film. It was the first of the films he made for the Clearing Course training.

After he was finished with the filming, he called for me and blasted me angrily, not for forgetting but for trying to put the blame onto the chauffeur. I could only accept. Later, he came and apologized for blowing up at me, and he spoke with a friendly smile so I knew I was all right with him. But I didn’t have the courage or the integrity to apologize to him for failing to carry out the assigned task and then for not owning up to my failure.

On one evening, at dinner, he was unhappy with something or other about the food. I tried to deal with it as best I could but he would not cheer up. I was at a loss. I cleared the table and took it out of the room on the way back to the kitchen. A little distracted, I mismanaged the manoeuvre through the door. It was a French door, and one opened one half of the door. Holding a tray loaded with dishes, one had to open the narrow door, balancing the tray on one hand, put the right foot through the doorway, slide through and pull the door with the left foot, turn around, catch the closing door with the free hand and pull it quietly to. It had never been a problem.

This particular time,I lost my rhythm and missed the handle of the closing door causing it to shut with a loud bang. I turned around in horror at the impression of inexcusable bad temper I must surely have caused. As I turned, I saw that both LRH and Mary Sue jumped a bit in their seats. I looked him in the face. I knew that if I went back into the room, even if to apologize, he would most likely blow up at me, so I tried to make my face say “I did not mean to do that”, and went my way. Nobody said anything about it. I thought he must have seen that it was an accident on my part and reassured Mary Sue about it. I hoped so. You never knew.

We had an interesting and revealing exchange, after I’d been at the Manor a few months. Part of my duty was to go outside the Manor to lock the doors to some of the offices and classrooms LRH had built on the Manor grounds—this would be at ten in the evening, when staff had gone home. Why this duty was mine to do I didn’t know, but he told me to, so I did it. I hated doing it when the evenings drew dark. At least two desperately unhappy people lay buried deep in the ground at the farthest and darkest end of my little evening route. Their misery was overwhelming and scaringly real; it seemed as though they’d died in cruel circumstances and been buried without proper ceremony. There was nothing I could do for them. I’d come back to the Manor, carefully not running, and lock its back door. This ended my day.

One evening, when I locked the back door, after ten at night, it occurred to me that the door, left open during the evening for staff to come in and out if they wanted to work late in the Manor offices, was unsupervised from the time the kitchen closed after the evening meal until I locked it at about ten p.m. What I saw as darkly strange about this was that just inside that door was the staircase running up to the first floor (U.S. second floor) rooms where the children slept. Between their rooms and the nearest adult (their mother in her office) were a door, a short staircase, another door, and a short corridor. Any staff working in the Manor in the evening would be in the basement or in rooms a distance away on the ground floor. I couldn’t help being aware that if some nut were to wander into the grounds, try the door, get in, decide to explore that staircase, he could do unimaginable damage before help would arrive. I didn’t want to live with this unlikely but open possibility, or to have anything of the sort happen to the children, or to have such a terrible thing on my conscience.

The next day, I mentioned this to LRH, the father. He dismissed it as not important, and didn’t seem too pleased that I’d considered the possibility that harm might come to the children. That evening, he was not in his office at dinner time. I went looking, and found him in one of the ground-floor offices, holding forth to the staff who had gathered about him.

I heard his voice from the corridor and pushed open the door. As I entered, I heard the end of what he was saying: “Now, who would have a postulate like that?” [In Scientology jargon, a ‘postulate’ is a concept, an idea, of something one wants to have or make happen in real life; one might ‘postulate’ [the verb] a parking space in a busy street; one might have a ‘postulate’ to achieve this or that accomplishment in life’’] The accusing complaint in his voice, heard so often over the hot chocolate, sounded ominous.

From the way his audience turned in unison and looked down their noses at me, I knew that he’d been complaining about my concern for the children’s security in their beds. His implication was clear: only a degraded person could entertain the idea that terrible harm could come to his innocent children by way of the staircase to their bedrooms near the open back door. Taken aback but holding myself together despite the disgust of the corporate bigwigs paying court to the Boss, I calmly told him his dinner was ready, turned, and left the room and the noble noses. Nothing more was said about it. I felt sad that he would think it all right to behave that way towards anyone, but also aware that I was a long way farther from perfect than he. He had been so good to all of us; I, and the world, owed him a lot of leeway.

I was still unhappy about the security arrangement. Being calmly assured as a parent that nothing bad would happen is one thing; tempting Fate another. I tried locking the door early but it enraged the staff who wanted to come in, and those leaving would not bother to lock the door behind them. Without LRH’s authority behind me, I had no power over the office staff.

In any case, better to keep the thought to myself rather than let it loose around the neighbourhood. Who knew what kind of roaming character the roaming idea might attach itself to. As things turned out, no harm of that sort ever came to the children. One could say that the postulates in LRH’s and MSH’s fond and alert parenting  kept them safe.

I gradually stopped concerning myself about that back door, cooperating, as you might say, with the parents’ protective postulates. Yet, I’d have been happier to have locked it after dinner or to have someone watching it until it was locked for the night.

We shouldn’t judge the Hubbards as parents too harshly in this circumstance. Things were quite different in those days: we didn’t normally consider protecting children around the clock. In fact, not many years before that, the whole time I lived with my grandparents in a village in Scotland, the outer door to the house was left open day and night. It was once shut but not locked, for a few days, while my aunt’s dog was in heat. [The dog serenading her made a perfect pest of himself to me because I carried her scent. I wasn’t much bigger than he was and I had to keep fighting him off. He even came to school with me, to my enormous embarrassment.]

We children ran about the village, the hills, and rowed about on the water perfectly freely, and nobody bothered about anyone doing us harm. Later, in my early teens, in suburban South Wales, I heard of a nearby adult misbehaving with youngsters; the man was sent to jail and the matter was handled very quietly, no warnings issued to me. We neighbourhood children, always happy to gossip, ignored the business as not relevant to us, the abused boys being from other parts. We didn’t know what had happened to them and hearing no news of them had no reason to believe they’d come to serious harm. We shrugged, and we went on with lives from which the idea of shocking abuse at the hands of adults was totally absent. Well, “absent” aside from the abuse we might be subject to within the family—sometimes so familiar as to be considered normal.

Ron and Mary Sue came out of a similar culture. They assumed that their home was completely safe because it was theirs just as we in the village saw no reason to lock our outer doors. Today, we put a lot of energy into safeguarding our children from abuse by disturbed people and we can be sure that were Ron and Mary Sue to be parenting today, access through that back door would be strictly monitored.

End of Chapter Six, Part Three, Knockings of Elbow

© Kenneth G. Urquhart, 2018POSTED ON

Memories, 20 The Boss, Part Two

[Chapter Six]

The Boss: Depths and Perspectives

Part Two   —   Conversations, Important and Otherwise

No details come to mind of the one-sided conversations we had in those early days. They included: his views on current English politics (Harold Wilson was the Labour Prime Minister) about which LRH was not overly impressed; stories from his younger years; stories from what he said were his past lives, mostly in ‘space opera’ context; new technology he was developing; affairs in and around SH to do with the organization or with the estate and the neighbours. He did not speak too much about my job or about the household, although he would suggest that I do this or that; frequently his suggestions were to do things that I’d already decided to do that day but hadn’t started yet and so his suggestions would irritate me slightly. I could let him know I was on to it already, once or twice, but to repeatedly tell him “Yes, this action is in hand,” though true and perhaps commendable, would be hard to bring off. Constant prompts for approbation can only irritate.

Politics not being of great interest to me, his opinions on the subject, not too frequently expressed, went in one ear and out the other. I noticed that his stories of his youth, not numerous, had to do with how impressed with him were the matrons who gave parties at which his good manners shone. I was neither impressed nor unimpressed, although he did demonstrate impeccable manners, always.

The tales from his energetic activities in space ships, in which he seemed to enjoy being something of a buccaneer, likewise left me indifferent. Space opera didn’t excite me, and I didn’t relate with his stories, which seemed to me to belong in a comic. It became evident after a while, though, that a repeated element of his space stories was that he was constantly frustrated from going back, after a death, to pick up the treasure he had gathered and hidden away in that former life with the intention of using the money in the next life. He did not dwell on the matter but repeated it often enough for it to stand out as a pattern in his stories and therefore an indicator of something important to him.

Early on, I could see that he was very ready to criticize members of the Saint Hill staff. Exasperated with one particular man, he ranted each morning for several days in a row how much trouble the man was causing. I wondered why the big boss was so busy complaining to me, who could do nothing, but not telling me how busy he was in getting the alleged troublemaker turned around, fixed, and with the program. If not upset with one person, he might grumble about this one’s mistake or that fellow’s idiocy. He moaned more about the men than the women. He had all the tools and authority he needed to put things right so he didn’t have to complain, but I did not dare say so.

He did not think too much of the man who bought the farm that had been part of the Saint Hill estate when the latter was put on the market and then broken up. I gathered that when LRH bought the Manor he tried to buy the whole estate but was outbid or out-manoeuvred. The farmer had a right of way to drive his cattle across the park in front of the Manor (that is, on the lake side). LRH did not enjoy this. He found out, or imagined, that he had a right of way through the farmer’s yard. One day, he dressed himself up as a sort of outdoorsy fellow, including a large black floppy hat, and drove his tractor (used for mowing the lawns) through the farmyard. What good this did him I didn’t know, but he had a lot less to say about the farmer after that.

He told me quite a lot about what he was discovering in the research he was performing on himself, with regard to what he called the Reactive Mind and how it is made up at its roots. This research culminated in the Clearing Course, an outstandingly important development in its day. These exchanges about the basic Reactive Mind I found really interesting and I felt it a huge privilege to be listening to what he shared with me confidentially about such an advanced part of the technology.

Now, material from his earlier steps on this same road towards the roots of the Reactive Mind had been published and was taught in its own class on the Saint Hill Briefing Course. I’d become friendly with the woman who supervised this class. I made myself rather obtrusively and officiously important to her by doing her the great favour of passing on to her LRH’s latest developments as he gave them to me in confidence. She, as a result, became confused and I supposed she queried LRH in some distress as to what she was supposed to be teaching or not teaching in her class.

LRH said nothing to me, but of course he had to act. He was never slow to act when he had to, and his action usually nailed whatever was going on that he wanted started, stopped or changed. One morning an internal office issue LRH had put out overnight came to my in-basket. It was titled “The Hidden Data Line.” I knew at once that I was the one being nailed, and why. The issue emphasized that the only way he made known to technical staff new material that they were to use and apply were the familiar ones of lectures, books, films, or published bulletins with his by-line issued through a secretarial office under his sole control. Instant was my decision to zip my lips from there on out. I said nothing to the woman I’d confused, nor to the boss I’d bothered (and I figured he’d probably been complaining about me to somebody or other for a good while).

Some months later, he was mystified because somebody on staff had been talking about something he (LRH) had mentioned to another in confidence. It may have been something he’d also mentioned to me briefly in his bedroom. He told me one morning that this matter had been spoken about in the offices downstairs. I saw the question coming and dealt with it immediately. “I’m very careful about what I say downstairs,” I asserted with some faint asperity, as though I didn’t need to be told twice on this particular sin. “I know you are,” came the answer. I understood that he had watched out for how I would respond to the “Hidden Data Line” issue, and had confirmed for himself that I’d toed that line. He said no more about the confidentiality breach of the moment.

End of Part 2 of Chapter Six, The Boss: Depths and PerspectivesPOSTED ON

Memories: 19 The Boss, Part One

Chapter Six

The Boss: Depths and Perspectives

Part One   —   The Bathroom

In terms of time and sequence of events, I’ve got ahead of my LRH story in giving a picture of Mary Sue and how she and I developed our relationship. As I didn’t interact with her nearly as much as with LRH, the depth of my relationship with her of course didn’t go as far as it did with him—not that he and I went any further than easy friendship cultivated through private and personal daily intercourse. But Mary Sue was a highly important part of my daily life in the Manor and although she and I hardly ever had a serious conversation, I think I saw enough of her to justify painting a portrait of some little depth, such as it is and as far as it goes. Mary Sue Hubbard stands without question as a heavyweight player in her own right. Accordingly, I’ve devoted a couple of chapters to her and in doing so said most of what I want to say about her as part of the Saint Hill scene I was in.

Paying this respect to Mary Sue also serves to set the scene for what I’m about to attempt regarding how LRH and I developed our relationship; earlier, in leading up to this, my general story, I made a point of Mary Sue’s initial apparent antagonism to my presence in the Manor. I think the question raised by that circumstance deserves an answer which I hope the chapters about Mary Sue have provided. Another advantage of placing these chapters where they are is that they establish for the reader clarity in a crucial background factor in the composition of my place in the household and in LRH’s life: she, with her devotion to her husband, was happy enough with my performance that she never (to my knowledge and best recall) seriously interfered with it. No rebuke or reprimand from her came my way.

What I’ve related about Mary Sue spanned many months. Now I’ll continue my portrait of L. Ron Hubbard as I knew him at Saint Hill—again a portrait such as it is and as far as it goes. In order to start it properly, according to my own ideas, I’ll go back in time to my beginnings at Saint Hill and to my first day at work after the introductory week of being mostly the cook and little else.

The new cook’s arrival at the end of my first week at Saint Hill completely changed my daily routine with L. Ron Hubbard. Going up to his bedroom with his ‘morning’ cup of hot chocolate in the afternoon of that first day of the new cook’s presence, I expected to put it on his table and to leave the room as I had each day so far. The boss had another idea. As soon as I entered the room he, in his white button-up nightshirt with bright orange piping, sat down at the little table between foot of four-poster bed and fireplace and started to talk to me, and to smoke his Kools. Thus began a daily ritual that enriched me enormously because of how he treated me.

A little surprised at the unexpected chattiness, I paid attention. As his servant, I couldn’t have done anything else, of course, but he wasn’t addressing me as a servant. He was talking to me as to another and entirely equal human being and with personal interest and acute attention. I recall not one word of that exchange but clearly remember the respect that he good-naturedly showed me, the cheerful interest in me and my responses, the absence of any boastful or pretentious manner, of affectation or ostentation, of snobbery or pomp. I had never imagined a male leadership person so brimming with confident, energetic, cheerful life—and so relaxed with who and what he was as a leader.

He was taking steps to make a friendly person-to-person relationship possible; I could not but happily respond, waiting to see where his initiative would take us and how I would view that. In fact, his relaxed openness was a revelation and a delight. Within fifteen minutes or so it took us to a place that I could have anticipated but had entirely omitted in my expectations about my duties. I understood and accepted that I was to be his valet—in connection with his clothes. Had I thought much about it, I might have remembered that a valet is a close body-servant and as such has duties in the bathroom. Having left myself unprepared, then, for what we were to do after his hot chocolate, his Kools and his chat with me, he surprised me again by making no break at all in the flow of his monologue (for such it mostly was) as he got up from the table and moved to the bathroom, still talking pleasantly.

Unsure of myself, unable to leave because he was speaking, definitely not thinking of following him, but definitely bound to stay with his kindly address, having to figure out what I should do…Deciding to let him take the lead, walking over to where I could see him in the long narrow bathroom, simply to let him know I was listening and otherwise attentive (though feeling rather out of my depth)…I stood, motionless.

My hesitation in following him into his bathroom made clear to the master that his new valet was unsure of his position, not being used to it. So the master ran his bath for himself while continuing to speak. The supposed valet stood respectfully by at a distance while the master did bathing duties for himself. This faux valet, standing by, kindly allowed the boss to see to his own valeting needs and to carry on his monologue until he was ready to stop.

Finished with his bath, Dr. Hubbard turned to shave at the sink, concluding his remarks with a smile, releasing me to go back downstairs to bring up the breakfast to this same bedroom, where he and Mary Sue would take the meal. I left the room and went to the kitchen, still a bit dazed by the vision of the large pink body soaping and splashing itself intimately in front of me as though it was the most natural accompaniment in the world to one’s words.

Maybe LRH had perceived that an invisible door kept me from moving into his bathroom while he went through his morning operations; he knew that one word would require me to enter and to do the usual things like run the bath, perhaps scrub his back, hold his towel and whatever else a valet would do. Instead, he never once mentioned the possibility that I might shift my feet from the floor by his bathroom door into the bathroom itself. Throughout the days in the eighteen months I was in attendance on him in his bedroom on his awakening, he not once, as I recall, changed the routine: chocolate and chat, chat continuing while he bathed himself, I standing by in interested and attentive idleness. Had this last bothered him he would have changed it in an instant, and I would have followed his wishes, consulting then with myself as to what it would have meant to me to do those bathroom duties, and then perhaps deciding that I didn’t want to do them. The question didn’t arise.

Over these eighteen months he was only on a couple of occasions anything less than completely friendly when we were together in his bedroom as he prepared to begin his day, I always attentive in his presence, but otherwise always idle—as if it had become the most natural thing in the world.

End of Part One of

Chapter Six, The Boss: Depths and Perspectives

© Kenneth G. Urquhart, 2017POSTED ON

Memories, 18 : Statement

Memories  18


In these Memories, I am recounting incidents experienced in L. Ron Hubbard’s proximity, as well as some perceptions, observations, and reflections. Inevitably, something of what I say will seem perhaps unkind towards the people I talk about. Inevitably, some will ask the relevant question, “Were you so perfect and blameless?” Of course, the answer is Not at all.

With regard to my own weaknesses and failures, which I admit are no fewer and no less gross than others’, I will portray a few when they are relevant to my purpose—which is to show that L. Ron Hubbard had his better and best sides as well as his less creditable characteristics, in the [probably forlorn] hope that a fairly rounded picture will enable some readers unfamiliar with his best work to grant firstly that he was human and secondly that he had extraordinary gifts worth exploring and their products worth using. For example, I’ll relate how I messed up something and how LRH handled it, to show how he handled it and thereby add another detail to my picture of who and what he was.

I try to follow the example of Anthony Trollope, the English novelist of the 19th Century, contemporaneous with Dickens (my taste preferring the former’s work).  Trollope’s auto-biography is noteworthy both in its brevity and in its reticence about the author’s inner life, either positive or negative. The moral and ethical struggles he must have suffered through are not even hinted at. But this last is not the example I want to follow: it is more a matter of what Trollope acknowledges about putting one’s personal recollections before the public that I agree with. In the very first paragraph of his “An Autobiography” he writes:

That I, or any man, should tell everything of himself, I hold to be impossible. Who could endure to own the doing of a mean thing? Who is there that has done none? But this I protest:—that nothing that I say shall be untrue. I will set down naught in malice; nor will I give to myself, or others, honour which I do not believe to have been fairly won.

Now, I am aware that over the course of my years in Scientology (not to mention all my other years) I have at times exercised stupidly bad judgment in my actions and inactions. Some of these things I recall and cringe from, painfully. As I say, I will state these things plainly when doing so helps my purpose here. That I don’t mention a misdeed or failure of mine does not mean that I am hiding it. However, should these Memories come to the attention of a certain public, I expect that there will be many quick to point out that Urquhart did this and Urquhart didn’t do that. Some of it will be true and some of it untrue and also either important or unimportant. That’s to say, important or unimportant in the grander scheme of things: although injuries can be hugely significant to us in our own hearts and minds, who would want to deny the truth of any accusation honestly made?

Some years have passed since I left off tending to feel regret or shame for having adversely affected others, particularly LRH, MSH, other Scientologists, my father, my family, some non- Scientology close friends, and others. Without discounting any damage I’ve done I’ve mellowed into being easier on self. A mature viewpoint is that we all make mistakes on each other; we all learn from both being jostled by others and from our barging into others’ spaces and lives. I believe that Life is above all a learning and growing experience and not a lot else. So, whatever happens to us and by us is what we need to experience in order to learn what we need to learn and mature. We learn at each other’s expense. Life sets you up to hurtle me out of my comfortable misconceptions. She lines me up to shake you out of yours. Neither of us have any notion of her purposes. The important thing is that we learn. Refusing to learn is a great sin, in my view. If it is a sin, failing to learn from one’s own misdeeds against Life must be the greatest sin of all. Regardless, in these Memories what I have learnt from my misdeeds is secondary to the major purpose of portraying LRH as I knew him and as truthfully and as kindly as I can.

Yes, I can complain that that Hubbard did or didn’t do this or that to or for me. My life contains some of the wreckage he left behind him. He ended our relationship with a disgusting gesture that invites me to hate him. I don’t because I can’t. What he did regarding me that was not right (that is, was not necessary, truthful, or kind) doesn’t matter a bit. What matters is what he did right for all, and there’s so much rightness in what he gave us that I will be eternally grateful to him for it and will honour him for it forever.

Additional to the voices of those who have history that can point to this deficiency or that on my part might be the wrath of those who know nothing of LRH but allow themselves the certainty that he was the Devil’s eldest son. They stand ready to vomit their venom on anyone giving LRH credit or honour. Yet further, should the Church of Scientology or any of the associated corporate forms conceive that what I have to say represents some kind of threat to their so-perfect version of L. Ron Hubbard, their Founder, I would expect these masters of Communication and of Public Relations to enthusiastically bury themselves in their own brain diarrhoea. Let it be.

I can’t hope that those who would choose to criticise me would say and do that which is always necessary, true, and kind. But so what? How I sleep at night is entirely up to me; if how I respond to untruth and unkindness from others during the day is not kind, true, and necessary, I lie awake… And right then I have to get busy at what is necessary, true, and kind for me so I can sleep better in one sense and be more awake in another.

To sum up: I am not speaking out in order to make me look “good” at others’ expense nor to make anyone look all “bad”. I am not hiding how “bad” I have been, but there is a limit to how much I put myself down. Regardless of what I intend to convey and think I’m conveying, the poet T. S. Eliot truthfully wrote: “More is said than is spoken” in that what we say and how we say it tell things about us that we’re unaware of and don’t know that we’re revealing. Let it be so, always, and may we always have ears to hear with, eyes to see with, and the sense to be asking questions about the human—and therefore imperfect—processes of hearing, seeing, and understanding. They who want to improve these processes can find an abundance of effective tools in the basics of Scientology.

In putting together the theory and practice of Scientology (as distinct from his behaviour and the behaviour of the Church of Scientology), L. Ron Hubbard revealed great truths about himself: the depth of his understanding of Life and the strength of his desire to help us all live as productively, happily, and cooperatively as we could want to.

In his own living, LRH made the mistake of misestimating what it would take from him and his organization to persuade mankind to recognize and accept the help he had to offer. This led him into making a fool of himself publicly. In making that mistake and in misbehaving, he tells a lot about himself. We could learn from what his misbehaviour tells us about him, about his work, and about Life. I can tell what my eyes saw and what my ears heard, my eyes and ears capable of only so much and no more, and out of my individual and therefore limited understanding. Please bear in mind that my perceptions and understandings are as liable to error and omission as anyone’s and my mental equipment just as open to the usual biases.

And, I, inevitably, as open to the usual consequences:

We are what we think.

All that we are arises with our thoughts.

With our thoughts we make the world.

Speak or act with an impure mind

And trouble will follow you

As the wheel follows the ox that draws the car.

We are what we think.

All that we are arises with our thoughts.

Speak or act with a pure mind

And happiness will follow you

As your shadow, unshakable.

–The opening lines of

The Dhammapada, The Sayings of The Buddha,

As rendered by Thomas Byrom, Shambala Press

© Kenneth G. Urquhart, 2017POSTED ON

Memories, 17 : The Pillar of Strength, Part Four

Memories  17

The Pillar of Strength

Part Four of four

LRH would regularly chat with me over his morning hot chocolate. He didn’t talk too much about the family but now and again he would say something about what Mary Sue had done, recently or in the past. Every time he said something of this nature he spoke with affection and obvious respect for her abilities. Although he didn’t specifically acknowledge a debt to her it was obvious that he admired her, was proud of her, and appreciated her greatly as his partner and closest supporter.

A clear instance of his admiration occurred when one of the senior executives at the Saint Hill organization (which helped LRH manage the international network) went away on his annual vacation. While he was away, Mary Sue, who was covering his duties, found quite the skeleton in his files. LRH, telling me one morning about this discovery on her part, explained that a few years before, he (LRH) had bought a local garage as a corporate investment. The absent executive was responsible for the performance of the garage’s manager. During the period of this extra duty for Mary Sue, I’d had occasion for once to go looking for her to let her know that her dinner was ready, and I found her in the office of the man who was on vacation. She was kneeling on the floor, in the middle, contemplating a series of what looked like invoices spread around her in orderly lines and rows. She was obviously deep in thought, but I had to call her attention to the time. She answered quietly, and rose slowly.

The rest of the story LRH was telling me that morning over his chocolate, was that Mary Sue had noticed a discrepancy in some figures in the garage reports and had tracked it down. He said or implied that this kind of work had been her forte in the oil business before she came into Scientology and before they married, and that she had been outstanding at investigating fraud—although he didn’t say that the executive whose figures she was examining was guilty of fraud. However, he did say that she had found out that the garage manager, supposedly under the supervision of the vacationing executive, had defrauded its customers. The manager had been buying cheap grade petrol or gas and selling it as an expensive grade. “What do you think that did to his profits?” he quizzed me. “It doubled them,” I quickly and probably incorrectly replied. LRH didn’t pull me up on that but went on to tell me that they were getting out of the garage business. The executive came back from his vacation to resume his duties and caring for his family, only to find that he was found guilty of failing at his job by not noticing the manager’s dishonesty and letting it continue to the possible detriment of LRH’s good name in business. They fired the executive.

The implication with each mention of MSH over the months was that LRH knew he could not have got as far as he did without her. Indeed, he had shown his feelings about her publicly over several years in materials he had put out to the membership. What she produced during her workdays I didn’t see. What I did see of the way they related with each other personally, and of the way she applied herself to her work and dedicated herself to his, told me that their closeness was genuine and that the respect she was held in by her husband and by the general Scientology community was well earned. Yet I never saw her seem to use that respect for her personal advantage. She did it all for Ron and for her children and for Scientology.

Mary Sue had an engaging lopsided grin, with attractively irregular teeth, and really twinkly eyes when having fun. She was open to light-hearted exchanges unless burdened at the moment by job worries; at these times she could be ferocious in word and speech whether in demanding action or in excoriating error. She would be particularly upset by staff failures that seriously troubled her husband in his work.

In conversation about business, she’d listen intently and seriously when the context called for it, but when she responded her face would wear a purposeful look of wanting to make her point by sticking to the facts and stating them as simply as possible. She had two habits in conversation, one verbal, one physical. The verbal habit was to introduce her remarks with “The thing is, is that…” She had this habit for as long as I was close enough to her to hear her speak. The physical habit was to put her hands up to the ball of hair above her forehead, cup it in her hands, and shift it slightly in one direction or another as though it made an important bit of difference. As with all her motions, it was clean, graceful, unselfconscious. It contrasted a little curiously with the heavy responsibilities of her position in the hierarchy and with the respect she was given by its members.

The two gestures, verbal and physical, were Mary Sue’s signals—as much to herself as to the others—that she was about to speak; speaking from her position required her to be clear, precise, and accurate, a responsibility she never took lightly. If she needed time to gather her thoughts, the two gestures gave her more than enough. Nobody around LRH was more on the ball for his sake than she: very few could catch her napping, she gathered no moss, and was too sharp to fall for the occasional rash attempt to pull the wool.

Her husband knew it, having had her support by his side over many years. We all knew it, and we, like him, respected and cherished her for it.

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Memories, 25 SH Episodes: Bed-Making, Appendix

Here, for possible interest, are photos of the report I sent LRH on the withhold-pulling along with the “session report.” Below the images is some discussion of discrepancies between what I’ve written and what the images show.

"Mrs. Smith" Auditor's Report, 5 April, 1965
Upper portion of report; lower portion follows below.

This record shows up discrepancies, such as:

  1. I wrote in the last post that Mrs. Smith and I were not in session. If I formally started a session, I’ve forgotten it. The dominating memory is that it was a rather breathless affair–the sooner got through the better–and not a formal session.
  2. I wrote that I used the Murder Routine. It isn’t mentioned in the documents here. I am sure I used it, if briefly, as I remember Mrs. Smith’s face when I suggested some crime to her, and wondering if I’d clumsily overdone it. I don’t recall having any reason at all to exclude the fact from the report to LRH.
  3. I started off with a different process than the cleaning of withholds since, as a matter of fact, I wasn’t trained yet to take up withholds.
  4. I should have asked LRH for written instructions suitable for my level of training. I didn’t. One tended to do things off-the-cuff in those days. Later on, he would have reprimanded me for not having the written instructions.
  5. In an earlier post, I said that soon after I went to SH in 1963, he promoted me to Household Officer. Yet in this memo to him dated April 1964, I’m writing him from the Butler position. I must have misremembered when the promotion took place.
  6. In another earlier post, I told how LRH had invited me to call him “Ron” soon after my arrival at SH, but again, here I am in April 1964, still addressing him as “Dr. Hubbard.” My memory isn’t trustworthy as regards times, date, and figures.
  7. In the second part of this Episode, I wrote that Mrs. Smith made off as soon as we had finished, but the report I made at the time says that she hung around and was chatty! The report has to take precedence.
  8. I’ve said that Mrs. Smith pronounced it “Sinee-ology”. The 1965 report says it was “Sinology” that she said. Better take the report as the accurate account.
  9. The biggest discrepancy of all is that neither LRH nor I followed up on the action; as long as I was in the Household, Mrs. Smith had no other auditing, and no briefing on what “Sinology” was all about. This is bad and sad.

Apologies for textual discrepancies. Will be mindful of the tendency in future.

[How I come to still possess these and some other items that passed between LRH and me is in itself an interesting little story about LRH and the Sea Org and me, for future telling.]

(c) Kenneth G. Urquhart, 2018.


Blast from the Past (1991) 23 Jan 2017

My old friend Antony Phillips, known as Ant, has been in touch again recently. He was part of the London organization when I was a regular public person there in the late fifties.

Ant runs, among other things, a book circle on-line to which he sends each week an excerpt out of a basic Scientology book. We are now reading “A Summary of Scientology” by Jack Horner. Comments from readers are taken by Ant and conveyed to the circle each week. In answer to a comment from me, Ant was kind enough to mention this blog of mine to the readers. And he went on to say:

Ken has a lot of experience working closely with Ron and he has had forty years outside of the church to digest and meditate on it. It warms the cockles of my heart to see that he is willing to write up, rather carefully, the results. Once some years ago I asked Ken to write an article on his experience with Ron. This was for a birthday issue of IVyMagazine – Ron’s birthday, although Ron was dead at the time. Ken chose to write about his first experience with Ron where he acted as Ron’s valet and amongst other things helped Ron get up. That in itself is very revealing, and you can read it at the following link: . You scroll down to page 13.

I’m including Ant’s kind words because they’re kind (not to mention true and necessary) and because they introduce and link to the article he mentions, written in 1991. In fact, the link is to the entirety of that issue of the magazine (which is, sadly, no longer in print), and, as he says, you scroll down to read my bit. As Ant has reminded me of this piece and has provided the link, I’m making it available as of possible interest to readers here, with Ant’s permission. The other contributions are informative.

More information about Ant’s escapades is at:  , well worth the exploration, particularly his recountings of history and his reflections thereon.

For the reader circle, please contact

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5 Replies to “Blast from the Past (1991) 23 Jan 2017”

  1. Dan KoonNice. I will definitely check it out.Reply
  2. Rodger WrightHi Ken,I’m pleased to see you are well and prospering. Your calm and insightful comments on the earlier days of the movement are very valuable in putting things in perspective.Cheers,
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Rodger, and thanks for yours. [Apologies; I’ve known three Roger/Rodger Wrights and am not able to tell which you are.]Reply
      1. .It’s unlikely you knew 3 Rodger Wrights, but you would have known 3 Rodger/Rogers, being Roger Bidell, Roger ?? (S.O.) and myself.You were LRH Comm SH, then LRH Comm WW. I took over from you at WW Tall. American guy who I am told was renowned for looking after his staff. Gloria Ramos, Eliane Giradot and Eva Isaacson worked under me. Wifie at the time Rochelle (is/was Rochelle Eriksen)Have some great stories to tell somewhere, sometime.Cheers – RodgerReply
        1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Rodger, and of course I remember you, and Rochelle. The three names you mention are all familiar; I think that Eva came to the ship but I can’t remember which Scandinavian beauty was she. I should have remembered your very distinguishing ‘d’. Sorry about that. Were you LRH Comm WW when I was HCOESWW, or was that Casey? Hope all well for you. Please tell your stories!Reply

Comments Closed


How I relate “Scientology” and “Religion”

Scientology and Religion 

I’ve just associated Jesus and the Buddha strongly with what I’m calling the core philosophy of Scientology, and will be expanding on that in articles to come. In doing so, I might be inviting some readers to take the association further, to connecting Scientology with other established religions and their structures and procedures. I prefer to separate them, not that I have anything against established religion right now.

Before I go further, I’ll interject that I do not question the basis on which corporate Scientology has applied for and gained approved status as a religious body. That they applied for it and got it is entirely the business of the lawyers on all sides, not mine. I have no axe to grind there.

However, a purpose of these articles is to clarify certain things, and, by doing so publicly, to perhaps answer some questions for others. And to encourage further relevant questions.

Corporate Scientology has rather aggressively advanced itself as a religious body, and they’re free to say whatever suits them about themselves. Nonetheless, some clarity is in order, from my perspective as a former member with an abiding interest in the core philosophy. Besides, there is personal history here important at least to me. The word ‘religion’ is a loaded term, apt to be fuzzied.

The Chambers Dictionary gives us its definition: Religion, noun; belief in, recognition of or an awakened sense of a higher unseen controlling power or powers, with the emotion and morality connected with such; rites or worship; devoted fidelity; monastic life; a monastic order.

We can note briefly that the Church of Scientology has some rites (christening, marriage, and death ceremonies) of the usual character, it definitely requires devoted fidelity, and partly practices what they can call monastic life. What else they can demonstrate for regulatory compliance is up to them.

I was a witness to a lot of the work Hubbard did in 1973 on firmly establishing the religious legality of the entire corporate Scientology network. I repeat that I don’t question the validity of any legal process the Church of Scientology undertook. Be that as it may, from what I learned about him over the years I can say with some confidence that he had no interest in, belief in, recognition of, or awakened sense of, a higher unseen power or powers. Nor did I notice any emotion or morality connected with such.

Hubbard did state that Scientology [the philosophy] deals with the human spirit and its travails, and devotes itself to bettering people’s spiritual health and abilities. I agree with this. He argued that this work is the responsibility of the priest or minister who, if he does the job, does not do it to the extent that Scientology can. I don’t deny this point either. He was saying that Scientology’s work can be viewed as religious work because it deals with spirituality and its betterment in humans. He was claiming also that in doing its work Scientology does a better religious job than religions usually do and is in fact picking up on the failures of religions. In that Scientology can routinely produce miraculous improvements in individuals’ conditions, I can’t say I could disagree with him on that either. At the same time, we remember that all kinds of wonderful and miraculous changes and events occur or are at least claimed without any connection to Scientology or L. Ron Hubbard.

Now, the closest that the philosophy of Scientology got to higher unseen power or powers in Life was to mention “The Supreme Being” in its list of eight Dynamics. These are levels or areas of activity in human life, compartmentalized for analysis and convenience in understanding. It’s a workable concept and can be helpful although not claiming to be the last word on the subject. The Supreme Being is the Eighth and last Dynamic, the senior one embracing all others.

In the early days of Scientology, Hubbard made it clear that all individuals were free to think or believe or feel whatever they wanted as regards the reality of the Supreme Being. He had nothing else to say on the subject. Adherence to any established and accepted religious approach was accepted without question in any member of Scientology. He claimed, and I think validly, that the practice of Scientology would complement any religious practice.

It often struck me as interesting that Hubbard wrote or lectured very little on the subject of the Supreme Being [I must confess that I haven’t listened to all of his recorded lectures], and I never had any conversation with him on it nor heard him speak of it to another. He always busied himself about a wide range of interests and talked of them freely. I assumed that he had no belief in a Supreme Being. Years after I left the Church, I saw some materials of what was supposed to be an advanced level of Scientology he had developed concerning the Supreme Being. I didn’t know if it was authentic or not; what I saw of it didn’t interest me.

A heavy pall of corporate, regulatory-compliant religiosity lies over the pure philosophy of Scientology but only by association forwarded falsely, it seems to me, by lazy observation and lack of thought. Corporate Scientology has had much negative attention over the years, brought on by its own actions and omissions. It is now widely known and referred to always as “The Church of Scientology”,  thus, I have to suppose, positioning Scientology itself in public eyes as a religion with religious baggage.

The corporate body, then, is open to being thought of as having rites, and worship, and systems of belief just like a ‘normal’ church such as, say, the Roman Catholic Church.  I think we can take it that the corporate body is largely comfortable with this image. Nonetheless, the public would mislead itself by believing that the core philosophy of Scientology has anything to do with religious systems and procedures similar to those of a regular established religious body performing holy services in a holy manner with centuries’ worth of holy baggage.

Scientology organizations, like many religious bodies, do have their organization charts and their hierarchies of management along with their operating philosophies and customary interactions with their members. In my early days, all these were tools used mostly for the smooth delivery of the core philosophical practice to individuals in support of their spiritual health, strength, and abilities. And to help the individuals use the results to make their lives happier. Not one individual’s service took place in the presence of or with the assistance of appendages of any conventionally religious nature.

My point here is that there are separations well worth making between

  • Any other church and the Church of Scientology;
  • The core philosophical theory of Scientology and its practical application as a body of knowledge distinct from any organization entity or activity;
  • The minimal organization form and activity necessary to successfully deliver the services associated with the core philosophy;
  • Any corporate activity added on to this basic necessary organizational activity;
  • The various agendas which give rise to the addition of organization activities over and above the purely necessary;
  • The various fusses, flaps, and flying feathers connected to the  added but actually inapplicable agendas and to the fights between the agendas’ originators and supporters.

When I think of Scientology I think of the first three. When I think of the Church of Scientology I think of the last three. I rather hotly resent that the last three make up what the general public must feel is the totality of the first three. The media refers to “The Church of Scientology” and to “Scientology” and they mean always the last three, seemingly oblivious to or in denial of the first. Sad.

Next: Some reasons why it helps to know the truth about who and what we are and how we operate, again with some support from other spiritual leaders.CATEGORIESUNCATEGORIZED

69 Replies to “How I relate “Scientology” and “Religion””

  1. Dan KoonI think it would be helpful to readers and beneficial to yourself to explain a little more thoroughly your position as LRH’s butler at Saint Hill then as LRH Pers Comm aboard the Apollo. You were not just another his staff who might meet with him once a week. This is necessary to provide the context for everything you are writing on the blog.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Dan. Point well taken. Yes, we’ll have to get to that at an early date. There are a million things I could talk about, and at least 50% of them demand expression immediately.
  2. DaveSelf preservation is obviously a need for any organization, but when the Church of Scientology became more interested in its own survival than in carrying out its mission, it stated its decline.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comAgreed, Dave. In my estimation the decline began when LRH decided the c of s had enemies that it had to get rid of. LRH always had a taste for an enemy and a fight.
  3. Chris SpeerHi Ken- hope you are doing well.
    In my experience the gateway to spiritual experience really begins with separation from one’s ego – before this everything is perceived through the lens of the ego’s delusion. Hubbard personally never grasped this, or addressed this – he was a talented but not an enlightened man -hence the limitations of his philosophy and technologies and why Scientology is actually a spiritual dead end. It can however provide a great jumping off point for those who can let go.
    All good wishes to you.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Chrism, not so dusty. 🙂 And thanks for the summary of your experience. If it’s true for you that Scientology is a spiritual dead end, then that’s what it is for you. You relate spiritual experience to the concept of one’s ego; if this helps you on your path to wherever you want to go, then of course you’re right to hold to it and act by it. Wishing you all that your heart desires. 🙂
    2. Patricia KrenikRon mentioned that there might be a time when we have to run out Scientology itself. While I can understand Scientology as a “jumping off point” one also needs to understand that Scientology is designed in a scientific manner, so that as one gains understandings the new understandings can be used to expand Scientology but using its tenants and applying what we know to a greater area. If Scientology becomes a “jumping off place” that is ok, but it doesn’t have to be that way if the tech is truly understood; it can be expanded. I’m sure if Ron had had more time he would have developed more areas to address, both positive and negative.
  4. Robin ScottI have personally long considered that Scientology is a religion, primarily for this reason:Scientology teaches that each of us is an immortal spiritual being; it seems to me that this is actually the basic teaching of all great religions.Buddhism also does not talk much about God, and is often considered to be more of a psychology than a religion. As per The Hymn of Asia, Scientology has considerable similarities with Buddhism; I would consider both Buddhism and Scientology to be genuine religions, in the normally accepted sense.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Robin; I understand and accept your view. For me, it’s important to recognize (for the purpose of the blog) that the definition of the term ‘religion’ is not so clear for everybody, and perhaps, unhappily, for many.
    2. Patricia KrenikVery nicely stated, thank you.
    3. Vinay AgarwalaBuddhism doesn’t teach that an individual is an immortal spiritiual being because Buddhism is objective. Here is a reference:
      1. chuckbeattyWow. very deep stuff.
  5. Vinay AgarwalaAt the fundamental philosophical level, Scientology is 180 degree opposite of Buddhism. Buddhism is objective whereas, Scientology is subjective. Traditionally, the Semitic religions are subjective. Scientology is more similar to the Semitic religions than to Buddhism. In my opinion, Dianetics was not a religion, but Scientology is.The higher power in Scientology was Hubbard; now it is Miscavige. There is no other higher power. In Scientology the biggest thetan wins. That is the practical Scientology religious philosophy in a nutshell.Scientology only does some mental surgery. Its goal is not uplifting the individual spiritually. That may happen as the result of mental surgery, but it is not focused on.The “Supreme Being” is a subjective idea just like “thetan” is from Buddhist point of view. The eight dynamic is essentially the concept of universal beingness, which has both spiritual and physical aspects. These aspects are noted as seventh and sixth dynamics respectively.Scientology seems to be modeled after the Roman Catholic Church. It is trying to acquire properties all over the world, the way Catholic Church owns.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Vinay. I make the distinction between the core philosophy of Scn and its application, on the one hand, and the C of S and it manifestations [misbehaviour] on the other. It strikes me that your remarks here generally apply to the latter. See, for example, your last statement comparing “Scientology” to the RC Church. I am asking you to make the distinction. If you don’t agree with the distinction, please openly state why. Or we are going to have a major problem. Thanks.
      1. Vinay AgarwalaYes, we have a major problem because I see errors in Hubbard’s tech, which this blog is probably not the right place to discuss.
        1. urqbones@gmx.comFair enough, Vinay, and thanks. I respect that you have your viewpoint and am grateful that you are mindful of the limits of this blog.
          Long may you prosper.
      2. Vinay AgarwalaYou may delete my posts that are “waiting to be moderated” including this post, so that I no longer have to pay attention to them.
        1. urqbones@gmx.comOkay, then, Vinay. Am answering this only because I’m not seeing any posts “waiting to be moderated” and although it took me a little while to get used to the protocol on WordPress, I haven’t deliberately ignored or declined to post any response, so far. If you have messages to me that are not acknowledged, you’re welcome to resend them.
          1. Vinay AgarwalaSince you asked, here are two posts dated Jan 21, that are still waiting to be moderated. I do understand that they are highly critical of LRH and their background is not well-explained by me. So, as I said, I shall be withholding my criticism for now. do understand, though, that by starting this blog you might have opened the Pandora’s Box for yourself.
          2. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Vinay. These posts came in the early days of the blog and I have to confess that at that time it hadn’t come home to me that I had to ‘approve’ each comment individually. I thought I was answering these along with another post of yours. Apologies. The first post that you link to here shows up on my screen as already approved. In case it doesn’t show on anybody’s screen and to counter the implication that I’m withholding negative posts, here it is copied and pasted:
            Vinay Agarwala
            JANUARY 21, 2017 AT 4:02 PM EDIT
            I do not judge. I simply observed the following:(1) That LRH did not evolve out of his valence he wanted to ‘survive’. He rather got more sucked into it.(2) That LRH did not believe that anybody else could advance the subject of Scientology, so he closed his eyes to all critique good or bad. He even did his best to suppress all criticism till the end of his days.(3) That LRH did not want the philosophy of Scientology to discussed among its adherents. He wanted his philosophy to be accepted without question. Here I am talking about philosophy and not the tech.(4) LRH promoted a closed mind as it was graded positively on tests.(5) The law of Karma applies to everyone. It applied to LRH too.KU: I have no disagreement with this, Vinay. Here is a copy-and-paste of the second comment of yours linked to:Vinay Agarwala
            JANUARY 21, 2017 AT 4:18 PM EDIT
            I do not think that LRH provided much training for the ‘Source’ Hat. He pretty much kept it to himself. Even though he was widely read he did not encourage others to read widely.I do not think that anyone will find this kind of training “in the best kind of academies and course-rooms.” One simply has to be widely read.Sorry to be critical. I assure you I will let you know of my withholds in this area when I find them. Haha!KU: We were talking about training in two different areas. I referred to technical training in the scientology classroom. You, I think, refer to the development of intelligence through wider education. I accept what you say as applying to the latter but not to the former.
          3. Vinay AgarwalaThanks for allowing the two posts that were waiting for moderation for some time. I do understand that you are still learning to manage this blog.I have a WordPress blog too., Vinay Agarwala
  6. Kent Bengtsson“If it is not true to you, it is not true” was my stable datum and the filter through which I viewed Scn in my years on Staff, SO and as a Public.
    I also realized early in my staff career that if I did not in my heart agree with a post or something I would do for some time, I would mess it up. I could step in and cover for a short while , but keep me there, and it will end in a bad way.
    In the end I concluded I did not want to be there at all as I did not manage to change things and everyone had their priorities screwed up in accordance with what came down the lines. (Early 90s)
    1. urqbones@gmx.comGood for you!
  7. OnuScientology is an official religion and yet in the traditional sense it is not because it does not clearly advocate principles and codes of behaviour other than within a counselling and organisational context.Because Scientology recognises 8th Dynamic yet does not venture into it Scientology is presented with a paradox in that It cannot address and resolve the uniqueness of the person, their relationship with all and their relationship with others as not only source but also origin.Although we may establish that each person determines their own participation in existence by choice as source and origin, both existence and theta itself have a persistence independent of ourselves which we participate in.It is most unfortunate that LRH chose not to penetrate further than the 8th Dynamic which exists as a phenomena of demonstrable and measurable space. A consideration of Existence.Unfortunately there are considerations of existence beyond tge 8th Dynamic concepts of Supremacy which are the core of the issues we need to resolve not only in our immediate relationships but also in the world at large. By limiting the scope of Scientology LRH was unable to resolve these areas and so remained at effect of them.The Science of Knowing how to Know has no limits, not even those set by its founder. Beyond the contextual limitations set by LRH to define yhe scope of his iwn work, there is much to be learned by the simple application of LRH principles in further Theta : MEST contexts and also in the diverse contexts of life.I have always regarded Scientology as a practical philosophy and as a religion solely for tax purposes.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comI second all that.
  8. Vinay AgarwalaKen, you can set up your blog so that you only have to approve the first post from a new person. The rest are automatically approved.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comTks, Vinay 🙂
    2. Chris Speer“Scientology and Religion I’ve just associated Jesus and the Buddha strongly with what I’m calling the core philosophy of Scientology, and will be expanding on that in articles to come. In doing so, I might be inviting some readers to take the association further, to connecting Scientology with other established religions and their structures and […]”
      Here is what is inaccurate with that statement- Scientology at its best deals with mind – regression therapy and talk therapy can be powerful and positive and are responsible for the wins we have observed on others and ourselves on occasion. However – the core of Buddhism and the teachings of Jesus came from mystical experiences that are beyond mind. Spiritual practices seek to contact universal consciousness, spirit, divinity, which is beyond mind. The gateway to mystical experiences is de-identification with ego, Scientology and Hubbard did not encompass this and Scientology tends to produce people with greater egos than before. The ones who avoid this were conscious and compassionate individuals to begin with and they brought their consciousness into their auditing experiences. The technology of Scn. does not come close to addressing the processing of detaching from ego- I say this as someone who studied the subject for 10 years, then studied spiritual practices afterwards, I cannot begin to describe this subject adequately in a few words here – it took me 450 words in my book of my own spiritual journey post Scn. For those who have not had their own mystical experiences this may sound like nonsense- the subject cannot be described adequately with words, only alluded to- it is beyond mind. One of the more destructive concepts of Scn. is the falsehood that it is a complete spiritual system and that one does not- and should not- look further. It is like a Christian who feels it is sacrilegious to investigate other modes of spirituality or practice daily meditation for example. The biggest lie in any religion is that only they have to path to true spirituality. “There are many paths up the mountain but the view from the top is the same.”
      1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Chris, and thanks for your comments. I’m taking them up, although you address them to Vinay, because the quoted passage you comment on is mine, not his. With regard to your position, my position is that you’re undoubtedly a World Authority on the subject of “Scientology as Chris Speer Sees It”. And we all bow down to you on that. Thank you. Is this Scientology as I see it? No. Are you saying that we should all see Scientology your way? It sounds like it. Are you going to get far with that? No.
        Now, Sir, I think I have made plain two things about my blog: Firstly, I make a distinction between the core of sanity that is in Scientology philosophy and technology, and Scientology as promulgated and practiced by the C of S. I think you are referring to the latter. Secondly, this blog intends to focus on the positive (and real) aspects of core Scientology, not on the negative.
        I can add that I’ve emphasized the value of focusing on that which is true, necessary, and kind. What’s true and necessary for you is true and necessary for you. This is not a problem. One should say that which is disagreeable because to say it is both true and necessary for one. It is always possible to say what is disagreeable in a kindly fashion.
        As I’ve said before, this blog is my pulpit. Anyone may speak out from it, but speaking out unkindly will not get anyone walking back up the steps to the pulpit.
  9. Vinay AgarwalaRecently, I did a reserach into the bckground of Free Association as the natural activity of the mind. It is used in the application of mindfulness.Here are some observations I made, which , I hope, are objective:

    In early 1890s Freud came up with the system of psychoanalysis for treating mental disorders. He theorized that psychological disturbances are largely caused by personal conflicts existing at the unconscious level. Liberation from the effects of the unconscious is achieved by bringing this material into the conscious mind. This was done by patient talking to the therapist, and the therapist guiding the patient until the patient became aware of the hidden causes of his conflicts. Wikipedia states:“During psychoanalytic sessions…the patient… may lie on a couch, with the analyst often sitting just behind and out of sight. The patient expresses his or her thoughts, including free associations, fantasies and dreams, from which the analyst infers the unconscious conflicts causing the patient’s symptoms and character problems. Through the analysis of these conflicts… the analyst confronts the patient’s pathological defenses to help the patient gain insight.”In psychoanalysis, “free association” is one of the techniques to draw unconscious material out of the patient. However, significant liability exists in terms of the analyst interpreting that material and adding his own ideas, which may then act on the patient as hypnotic suggestions.DianeticsThe next advance came in 1950, when Hubbard expounded the Dianetics process of auditing the mind. He theorized that the cause of all psychosomatic illnesses and irrational behavior was an unknown reactive mind that was always “conscious”. Relief came from helping a person analytically access the painful contents of the reactive mind.Hubbard’s theory was similar to Freud’s except that his procedure minimized the interpretation of preclear’s (patient’s) unconscious material by the auditor. It also prevented the possibility of hypnotic suggestions by the auditor. The early techniques of Dianetics developed over the years into modularized processes that could be programmed for the individual case of the preclear. This programming required collecting detailed information from the preclear during auditing sessions.Hubbard addressed the liabilities of psychoanalysis to a large degree, and came up with a much more efficient procedure. However, in auditing session, the preclear seems to get conditioned by Hubbard’s esoteric beliefs of “thetan” and “past lives”. The preclear’s ability to freely associate is severely limited by some methods used in auditing, which then lead to mental conditioning. In addition there is abundant possibility of misuse of detailed personal information collected from the preclear.

    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Vinay. Intriguing. The contributor gave LRH some credit, and that’s creditable. I’d amend the last paragraph you quote to clarify that the conditioning comes partly from Hubbard himsself, being a manifestation of his lesser self, but now mostly from the way the c of s conducts itself. Just mho, of course.
  10. OnuOne of my biggest shocks has been to recognise beyond any shadow of doubt the total lack of necessity for any form of organised religion in order to ensure individual and collective spiritual evolution.From what I have come to understand spiritual evolution is the birthright of the human, albeit a cloned, bioengineered and programmed version here on Earth. Its a natural trait.
    Perhaps its a natural trait of all life forms.Regarding the human, the entire structure of gnostic/christian religious practise reduces to the human body in posture, movement, relationship and interaction. The temple, the cup of life and all the other paraphernalia and architectural structures including the pyramids reduce to forms of prayer, meditation, contemplation and exercise produced primary by the hands and extended throughout the human body.The forms and practises adopted and imposed by organised religions are mimics of the natural forms and tendancies that any child would discover in innocence as they explore and behold the beauty of nature that surrounds them and evolves into an adult.Chaos versus Order is a lie. There is no such thing as chaos.There are only natural principles, forms of consciousness and types of intelligence awaiting our recognition.So for me personally it is more important to understand our own place in the scheme of things, in the context of understanding our own harmonious equilibrium and relationships with all forms of life, consciousness and intelligence, – than it is to attain some idealised state of being that is merely an aspect of whom we truly are and have become, both individually and collectively.We are no longer in Native State and when we resolve and understand our origins we find we are faced with the development of Character.The sentiments and principles we choose to abide and live by determine the nature of our perceptions experience and existence by choice.Plain old common sense.Organised religion and philosophy are basically instruments of governance. 😊
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you for this, too, Onu. I’m with you up to the para beginning “So for me personally…” but only because I’m not sure I fully understand the distinction you are making. Am with you in the last three lines.
      Since you have raised these points, I’ll make clear now that I’m coming from this position: I’ve done my work here (quite a while ago, as it happens) and at the moment I have no indication that I am required to remain here. How this will play out at body death will make itself clear (I hope and trust; it will become clear at some point). At this stage, my perception is that I’m not needed and wanted any more with regard to collective spiritual evolution. I’ve done what I was to do. What I aspire to make with this blog is a simple debrief, an ending, a goodbye for now. In our endings we make our new beginnings. And this is how I see my place in the scheme of things; what is important to me is my relationship with what I conceive of as Supreme Being; as you say or imply, no human agency has any business interfering with that relationship [or with any individual’s conception of that relationship]. I wish with all my heart that humankind will find its way to a higher position on the Tone Scale. What I did didn’t make a damn bit of difference to that as far as I can see. Much better fortune to all others in that work.
      1. urqbones@gmx.comVinay, you may by all means express your reality or your opinion. You are expected to present your views here with some humility; there is nobody on this list who grants you superiority of perception, understanding, or wisdom. You are respected greatly as a seeker after truth. You are on your path to your truth. You may not disrespect any other’s path to his or her truth — not in any way. Please do note. You may point out that I have let Onu state his views without editorial/monitoring comment from me; this is true, but if you want to make a point of the fact, please review what he says and tell me if he expresses himself with arcu or antagonistically. Or, does he manifest kindness in what he says is true and necessary for him, and in how he says it? [You can substitute ’empathy’ for ‘kindness’.]
        1. Vinay AgarwalaAnd I thought I was being objective… It is getting too complicated here.
          1. urqbones@gmx.comAll right. Is complexity related to the degree of confront?Suggestion: How about you demo out the three terms: true, necessary, kind, and then how they inter-relate, on F1, F2, F3, F0. ??
          2. Vinay AgarwalaEvaluative!
          3. urqbones@gmx.comNo kidding!
    2. urqbones@gmx.comVinay, your statement “This is rubbish” is not acceptable. If you have a need to disagree, do so in accordance with your necessity and your truth, and do so with kindness.
      1. Vinay AgarwalaOh! Heck! There goes my English gentleman’s valence!
        1. urqbones@gmx.comIs that really what this is all about, Vinay? I know you speak in jest; is this an appropriate jest to make in this context?
          What do you think the issue between us is all about?
          1. Vinay AgarwalaYou are too politically correct and trying to impose it on others.
          2. urqbones@gmx.comAnd you of course are not evaluating, are you?Fine, Vinay, I congratulate you on your understanding of the situation and masterly summary. Well Done! I will follow the advice said to have been given to Gurdjiev (spelling?) by his dying father: My son, I am an old and poor man and have nothing to leave to you but this advice: When someone insults you, tell him “My father bade me on his deathbed that when anyone insulted me, I should say to him, ‘Sir, you have insulted me. I will consider your words for 24 hours. If at the end of that time I find that you have told me the truth, I’ll come to you and thank you. If I find that your words are not truthful, I will go my way’.”
          3. Vinay AgarwalaI still remember the words “hoity toity” that you once wrote to me as LRH Pers Comm on the ship.I am coming to understand you better now.
          4. urqbones@gmx.comAh, yes, Vinay, but did you ever look them up? {JOKE}Wonderful on the coming to understand. PLEASE keep going. It’s a long, steep climb and the going is hard. But the rewards are beyond imagining. {This is not A JOKE}
          5. Vinay AgarwalaI am doing that. That keeps life interesting.
          6. urqbones@gmx.comYou will never be bored. 🙂
          7. Vinay AgarwalaHaha! I got your attention. 🙂
          8. urqbones@gmx.comOh, Vinay, you are soooooooooooooooo politically correct.
  11. chuckbeattyexSO75to03Dear Ken,I’m elated you write your hindsight views. They are so important for history, for those that understand your years of upclose administrative duties to L. Ron Hubbard.(I’m a harsh dismissive critic, but hugely appreciative that all upclose first person people, and particularly people like you, do write for posterity their full views.)A major major question, in my mind, is trying to understand LRH’s mind.Those upclose to him, I feel have the best overview of what he said and what he meant.The biggest hindsight opinions I wish you and others close to LRH in his final 10 years of life, what do you each make of his admission of failure to Sarge Steven Pfauth.It’s laid out in the Rathbun book 3, “Memoirs of a Scientology Warrior” chapter 24 details the Sarge final discussions of LRH’s final months of life, where LRH admitted “failure” to Sarge.What did LRH mean, how much of a failure.You have commented in your first articles what you believed, and I myself (a far far lower down the totem pole guy, I was just obsessed with “getting LRH’s views correct” as a Course Supervisor that I was at Flag Clearwater 1977-1983, during that tumultuous period of management reorganization and LRH fleeing Clearwater area, etc,).To me, opinions of to what extent LRH thought he’d failed, I list out:a) He meant that he’d failed at “all” of it, as Sarge has relayed, and he was being overly hard on himself, since there will be always tens of thousands of people who have large and small benefits from the “tech” and “admin” principles which have undeniably benefited their lives. So he was admitting failure at it all, but he was overly hard on himself (PTS to the overwhelming problems legally he was pinned under, isolated on the Creston Ranch, unable to be public for fear of legal suits sprouting on him if he went more public.)b) He really included his NOTs (since he apparantly was doing Solo NOTs up into the final months of his life), in what he felt he’d failed at, and thus he was not really even capable of really “OT” supernatural stuff, like out-of-the-body “soul flying” at will, himself, nor capable of dealing with the still troublesome “body-thetans” that plagued him at the end, per Sarge’s stories. The question is obviously, he apparently failed at his own “case” handling (to me this rings like a fundamental tech point, in that no one else was putting HIM in session, and weighing against any “case” that he was singly battling, a violation of the most basic principle in TRs, which is pc PLUS auditor is sufficient to take on the pc’s “case”, and thus LRH’s final Solo auditing, and ALL of his Solo auditing violated that principe, again though, in KSW 1 he states he was able to rise above his own bank, and it appears from hindsight he violated his own rules about self Case Supervising his own case non stop from the 1950s onwards, with just a few exceptions when he was ill and people like Otto Roos or David Mayo took on his “case” per the sick pc lower level methods, or in Otto’s instance, I think they were trying to correct LRH’s lists).The Sarge interview that Marty Rathbun and Lawrence Wright did is so important, I think that interview info so needs the closest final people who are detailed aware of LRH’s mindset, to please comment.What did LRH mean by saying he failed at all of it. It’s an important enduring historical question, and those who most closeup knew LRH, are best to answer it.You to me, are just the best, in possibly understanding LRH and his case.David Mayo I hope writes on this, and submits it to posterity so as not to violate his gag agreement.Ray Mitoff I hope gets out, unwinds, and gives his tech hindsight detailed case assessment of LRH in LRH’s own technical terms.I’d really like the still alive Class 12s to also weigh in on LRH’s case, and on what LRH meant with he said he failed.Please give it serious answer.Thankyou for posterity Ken!Chuck Beatty
    an ex but still obsessed Flag Clearwater Admin Courses Course Sup 1977-1983, and I went on til 2003 and finished off my Sea Org career with 7 years on the RPF, which to me wasn’t that bad, I enjoyed most of the RPF just the moments of physical detention and implied/threatened physical violence was humanly upsetting.
    ex Sea Org 1975-2003 (Clearwater, Int Base, PAC, Int again as part of INCOMM, ASI, RPF at Happy Valley and then PAC)
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Chuck, and thank for your questions.
      First point, in response: “A major major question, in my mind, is trying to understand LRH’s mind.” I advise that you not try to. Better to work on understanding his heart and his soul, his life, in my opinion. Even though LRH’s mind was in some respects beyond brilliant, it was always a bit of a mix of genius and nonsense, and although I wasn’t present with him after 1976, I’d say that the latter predominated the more he aged.
      Secondly, “What did LRH mean, how much of a failure.” I can’t read his mind, Chuck, any more than you can. I doubt we’d be any the wiser if we could map it all out; the man by the time of Steve Pfauth’s story was evidently in Confusion as a being. Look at a mind in Confusion, let alone a being. It’s confusing, right? Moreover, it seems to me that LRH had serious misunderstoods about the body, always had, and he passed them on to others who took his mistaken word for the truth. Specifically, he encouraged us to believe that the body was simply an obstacle to be ignored and/or bypassed by any self-respecting thetan. Much needs to be said on the subject and some of it I will say in a later post or two. For the present, I say that we should consider the possibility that the body is a friend and colleague with whom we work as a team. It is our responsibility to keep the body healthy and happy, the first action being to grant it beingness. Hubbard did not and perhaps could not do that for himself. He brought ill-health to his body; he “knew” that the body’s responses to the ill-health (emotions — bodies have emotions — and sensations and pains and attitudes) are “case”, all resolvable by addressing mental mass. Through this fatal misconception (in my opinion, of course), he helped drive himself crazy — and many an auditor, c/s, and pc or pre-“OT” to despair. Yes, he did emphasize that when the body is sick or injured, one has to take care of it. He never observed that everything one eats/breathes/drinks/touches/does by way of exercise affects the body, and that what he was eating, and what we were all eating around him, was making the body sick. Omitted Reality, false Why.
      Yes, of course he “failed.” Quite correct. Inarguable. Just look at what became of his legacy: failure was built in before it passed out of his hands. To be very brief about it (these things deserve full treatment), he misestimated the task that he originally took on by developing technology, he took on that task, by choice, on Planet Earth, and he had no clue of how to nurture his philosophy and enterprise in the face of what he (aptly) called the Fourth Dynamic Engram. The 4D Engram chewed him to bits, and rightly so. If you poke a hornet’s nest and expect the hornets to bow down to you, the hornets will bring you a new reality. He clumsily poked at the hornets. He was unhatted in his role as leader of a spiritually-oriented group and launched himself into a power struggle he could not win because he didn’t understand the concept of power. Yet he had tremendous power within his grasp. He could have had the entire world at his feet, loving him. He should have, dammit. Well, he should have had better sense in how he managed his life’s plan, but he never grasped what was actually needed and wanted of him to get his product in the environment he was in. And he blamed the environment.
      I don’t know that his failure was all his fault. He chose a wrong time and place to do his work; I suspect that Life simply had other plans, not purposing that the human race should survive.
      1. Vinay AgarwalaIn my opinion, LRH embarked on this project to handle his case. He failed to handle his case. This is the basic summary.
        1. urqbones@gmx.comAh, well.
        2. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75to03Thanks Vinay,In Hubbard’s own theoretical principles, the auditor PLUS pc is greater than the “case” of the PC, and thus auditing “works” to address the PC’s “case.”I noted that LRH in his final years, and often years earlier I gathered, did much Solo auditing, and thus only if one presumes his claims in KSW #1 about himself being somehow superior to his own case (thus his self trust that his self/Solo auditing was effective) is a point of argument.I, as a trained and thoroughly M-9ed reader closely of all things “tech” relating to “TRs” especially considering LRH’s final “tech films” and specifically the “Why TRs” film that is only on today’s Briefing Course (Class 6) where LRH dramatically stresses the auditor plus pc nature of “WHY TRs” in the first place. TRs are to instill in the auditor the patience and attitude to take on and NOT react to the PC who is blowing their top and dramatising their “case” in session. With TRs, the auditor is to remember this principle, that the auditor is WITH the PC against the “case” of the PC despite the “case” of the PC spurting out and reacting as it does oftentimes in session when the PC acts out against the auditor.Along that line, I instantly think that Hubbard presumed he was above his own case, a foolhardy presumption per his own auditor plus pc is greater than the pc’s case, fundamental.Did that omission of logic on LRH’s part strike you as also another of LRH’s unrealized flaws?It did me, and still sticks my speculation despite LRH’s pronouncement NOT to speculate why LRH was able to rise above his own case and take it on, so to speak, with his fuddling about doing his Solo auditing research.It’s a serious fundamental flaw blindspot of LRH’s, if one even believes in this whole past-lives “case” influence supposedly on oneself.Another angle to this, regarding past lives influence on one’s today case, the final worksheet that Pat Broeker held up in the LRH funeral event, has a date on it, which I suspect highly is from a “Date/Locate” that LRH must have been trying, to date and locate some “case” blockage type of phenomena (a “body thetan”, or some sort of postulate, or some targeted “case” item that LRH was striving to “Date/Locate” ) with the purpose to alleviate something on his own “case.”LRH’s final case folders, thus, I would agree, to anyone who goes the whole Hubbard hog “tech” case handling details procedures, would greatly appreciate looking over LRH’s case folders. I’d agree on that.Now, do I believe any of it, sorry no, not me. I think it is all placebo and mental imagination therapy at best. Self mind manipulation, and one on one (auditor and pc) mind manipulation, per rules that are a kind of laid out labyrinth of do’s and don’t’s that kind of dovetail but even there are non dovetailing aspects to LRH’s whole “case” hierarchy of issues the person’s “case” suffers from.This LRH not trusting another to handle his “case” to the degree he thought he could rise above his own “case” is just one of those non dovetailing aspects of his thinking.
          1. Vinay AgarwalaChuck, I have learnt a lot from LRH, specially from his Study Tech and Data Series. I have applied that knowledge fully to myself.I wish LRH had done that too. The key mistake he made was to invalidate Buddha and the goal of Nirvana.LRH totally misunderstood Buddha’s idea of selflessness by assuming the universal viewpoint. He took it to mean merging with the universe and losing oneself.LRH had a brilliant mind, but the above misunderstood got him. I really feel for him.
          2. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75to03thanks Vinay, It’s good that those who were around LRH do give their input and hindsight views, for posterity, thankyou so much Vinay for doing that.
          3. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Vinay. I do agree.
      2. chuckbeattyexSO75to03Thanks so much Ken.Have you ever had the desire to read all of LRH’s later than 1976 “top management” reorganization traffic, up to the end of his life?Did you ever get the inkling to review that later writing? (YOu were intimately aware and had the fullest understanding of all of the administrative “top management” twists and turns from the mid to late 1960s up through 1976 and must have been by osmosis aware of most things up to when you left in 1982—Hubbard wrote for CS-Aides, FB, then for La Quinta (Summer headquarters) and then for W (Winter Headquarters, Gilman Hot Springs), for CMO, for “Special Project Ops” (Miscavige), for ASI (Author Services Inc, which per my historical understanding, it is ASI that took on the LRH Accounts stuff and other of the LRH Pers Office stuff within ASI’s service as a “for profit” company that did LRH’s personal affairs managing.) He also wrote some despatches to the Exec Strata, one giving a bit of authority of decision making relating to dealing with “arbitraries” to ED International post, 3rd round, Guilliaume Leservre got that final LRH tiny big of authority to deal with any policy arbitraries that ED Int might run into. LRH gave Int Management of the early 1980s the rights to having their own “issue type” from which then the Int Management Bulletins were given their rights to even exist. And LRH gave Senior C/S Int Office rights to have “Senior C/S Int Bulletins”, and by extrapolation, RTC felt justified to have their issue types. LRH gave the idea of “Prosperity Bulletins” for the ASI advices traffic to be turned into “timeless tech” for ASI’s own series of hatting issues, all compiled from LRH’s ASI traffic. By extrapolation then for the Gold Base, all of LRH’s hundreds of despatches to the various Gold Base sub units had their issue types.You being Pers Comm, you’d have known ALL of what happened after you left, inside out and backwards, in principle, as you lived all those writings details of Hubbard’s issue types.I so wished someone like you, who is totally so up to speed on all the turmoil up to 1976 in the “top management” setups (CS-Aides, FB, PPRO Int, LRH Pers Office) that you would absolutely grasp how things finally evolved, and you’d just eat up and understand the final administrative details like nobody around!I wish I could just wave a magic wand and transport you to the CST/Archives location where Shelly Miscavige is today, and let you bask, if you wished, in all of Hubbard’s final years of “traffic” and then get your final take on all Hubbard wrote.I spent a considerable amount of hours, as OEC/FEBC Course Sup and Word Clearer, then 5 years on the “routing forms” project making all the finalized routing forms for the Class 4/5 orgs, where I had to read ALL of LRH’s administrative writings, period, as part of the project primary targets, LOL. (Years later I worked in the INCOMM computer branch, and carefully Method 9ed all of the INCOMM computer traffic, most of which were long long despatches to Foster Tompkins then the computer project boss.)Then from 1992-1995 I was the computer guy in ASI, and I was put on a project to proofread all of the ASI traffic.So I read a lot of his final stuff, which is why I know you’d appreciate and be a quick reader of it all, and be able to see things in it no one has ever seen in it.Shelly Miscavige is up at the CST/Archives “mother” site, near the Int Base today, and I so wish she’d invite you up to peruse all the final stuff. You’d be one of the few who could really digest it all quickly and place it all in the overall big patterns LRH had going. And you would be able to make some even more truly excellent hindsight views of all of it, up to the end of it all.I’m just so appreciative of your writing, thankyou so much Ken.Chuck
        1. urqbones@gmx.comChuck, thank you for kind words, again. You have a habit of bringing up large issues.
          Do I want to go through all those dispatches from LRH? At the age of almost 80, when I’m thinking of what I should be doing to end things off? I’m sure there is much of great value in them; that’s something I’ll leave to others to evaluate, thanks. I have an idea of the work I need to do and will stick to that. But thanks for the idea.
          1. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75to03Ken,In my mind, you are the best brain ever to grace “top management” in the Scientology movement’s history!I enjoy all and everything you’ve written, enjoy your life as you wish.Chuck
          2. urqbones@gmx.comDeep bow.
            My interest, Chuck, is in LRH the being that originated and developed the technology. Not so much in Hubbard the administrator/manager.
        2. Vinay AgarwalaChuck, I believe one would understand much of LRH’s case by studying his technical writings. I am currently studying ADVANCED PROCEDURES AND AXIOMS and commenting on it here.
          1. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75to03Dear Vinay,You too, same goes for your incredible understanding of all the details of Hubbard’s writings and practices.If in the future, researchers wish to be given tips on Hubbard studying, you too Vinay, just have laid out incredible hindsight views which I always enjoy reading all you write (born again atheist that I am, just the same, I remember how gracious and unbelievably intelligent and articulate you were in your Sea Org years.)Chuck
          2. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75to03Dear Vinay,
            You truly have a point, and I think your point is historically adopted in even Lawrence Wright’s “Going Clear….” book.
            And the mind effects the physical, direction of causation, seems so immediately on the surface correct, unless one slips into the non-self theoretical path where then “witnessing” and delusion of causation are ideas that can be clung to and held onto. I’ve experienced some meditative experience close to the non-self experience and the witnessing meditative experience, and can see how the simple mind causes matter rather than it all being matter jumbling into itself confusing “it”self, whatever “it” is, and in fact, backing up to thinking “mind” is an “it” is exactly the theoretical experience pigeon-holing that Scientology goes wholehog presuming is the case, building from there. I have experienced this “other side” experience of the non-self/witnessing (but not even witnessing, the non witnessing of the non-self) and that experience then IS a genuine “path” or just another brain experience, is my today’s interpretation of that.
            Vinay, you are just one of the best commentors alive, I’ve always enjoyed all you can see in others’ views and you continually share your time, I so appreciate ALL your commenting, and I remember first reading your comments many years back on Clambake or ESMB and I was elated, also, having known you in the Sea Org peripherally, knowing your MIT educated backbround, knowing that you had the brain power to dissect people’s understanding of things, I so appreciate all I ever read of your views.
      3. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75-03Ken,
        Thankyou so much.
        I rate your views and opinions, due to your background, about the best I’ve ever heard expressed.
        All of your writings, I immediately give higher weight to, thankyou for posterity.
        All you write is major historical material, and I wish some of your young relatives’ offspring DO compile your works.
        Your views, every sentence of them, all deserve preserving for posterity!
        1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Chuck. I don’t know how much posterity there will be; whatever there will be might have different things to think about. 🙂
          1. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75-03LRH took care, have you seen the CST videos? LRH wished his wealth go to CST, and CST’s job is preserve the tech long range.The CST (Archives) sites have complete copies of all the raw LRH stuff, a whole massive expensive (no expenses spared, since this WAS LRH’s precautionary against world destruction so pervasive that persons would have to “come back” to uninhabited earth and dig up the “tech.”This whole angle of LRH’s final wishes is a real thing the money is being spent on.Twin Peaks, where Shelly most likely is today:
   Washington site
   California site
   Mexico site
      4. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75-03Ken,
        I so enjoy hearing every sentence you write above.
        I so appreciate the weight of your thoughts. You are tops in my mind, for grasping L. Ron Hubbard, every angle to him, and for taking up so many of the larger self-views Hubbard had of his own life. Everything you write needs preserving, I rate your views tops.
  12. Vinay AgarwalaSERVICE FACSIMILE OF SCIENTOLOGYThe beingness of a person have basis in the postulate that keeps the data of the mental matrix well integrated. With new experiences, the beingness continually grows, but this does not happen in the presence of unassimilated nodes. Such nodes smother the basic beingness by instituting arbitrary postulates. A service facsimile is just that.Ideally, the prime postulate underlying the beingness of a person is in complete alignment with the postulates underlying the universe. For the person to operate at his full potential his later postulates must also be in alignment. This is the fundamental teaching of Buddhism.In Hubbard’s philosophy, the prime postulate of a person is arbitrarily individualistic. Instead of aligning, it is supposed to be subjugating the postulates underlying the universe. The concept of “thetan” is just that. The “Scientology beingness” is built on this concept of “thetan,” and it is dedicated to subjugating the universe. Thus, Scientology is fundamentally opposed to the teachings of Buddhism.This explains why Scientology is always in conflict with its environment. This is the insanity built into Scientology. One may say that “thetan” is the computation arising from the “service facsimile” of Hubbard and Scientology.

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Here We Go: Looking at Failure and Success. #1

L.Ron Hubbard produced Dianetics and Scientology and the Church of Scientology. As with every single human being, he had success and failure. These articles will consider him both as a success and as a failure. Firstly:

What did L. Ron Hubbard principally fail at?

The history of Scientology includes at least one activity of outstanding success: much of the technology, including the discipline of its application, along with some of the organizing necessary to maintain and deliver it. Accompanying this powerful achievement is a monumental failure: the collapse of the Scientology organization’s unity in the early 1980’s and its continued descent into autocracy, elitism, and isolation. Hubbard was responsible for all of this; he had some people helping him in his errors and some who saw error but were not capable of managing it. He had plenty of people happy to support him in applying the technology correctly; in my opinion, had he steadfastly respected the dedication, trust, and love they gave him, there would have been no gross failure. Hubbard, in fact, could have had much of the world at his feet. For some reason, he preferred having much of the world at his throat.

Hubbard began by creating Dianetics and then Scientology with the intention of helping people live better and happier lives in accordance with who and what they really are; he brought that work to a peak of effectiveness; this achieved, he went on to violate the ethical and other tenets of his own philosophy. In the end, he turned his life’s work over to the organization he’d built up, the collected corporate bodies known generally as The Church of Scientology. Like its parent, that organization seems to have learnt little or nothing from his errors.  Human opinion, where it concerns itself with the man, looks down on everything to do with him, feasting on the worst of his behaviours and of what it hears about the organization he left behind. But is this by any means all there is to L. Ron Hubbard? Does the totality of what he left behind consist only of a bad name and a mistrusted organization? Not at all. He gave the world a gift splendid enough to change life on earth forever. Sadly, he could not set up his offering to prosper and flourish as it thoroughly deserved.

Within this story of momentous achievement and rather sordid failure to follow it through is Hubbard’s missed opportunity of universal significance – missed unless some blessed spark will ignite a review and honest re-evaluation, carrying the best of the man’s work back into its rightful sphere as a source of helpful tools humankind can use. What could humanity use these tools to do? To help people resolve urgent planetary problems and then help them become happier with themselves and in their living of life with each other. “Scientology,” he once said, truthfully, and forgot, fatefully, “is the game in which everybody wins.”

Alas, not only did Hubbard not follow through on what he had done, he disrespected his own philosophy as he aged. His descent into relative irrelevance has tempted many into treating his best work with the same disdain with which they view, or think they view, his unworthy actions. But we humans often assert strongly that what we choose to see of a prominent person’s activity is unacceptable – as if he might be the only human being ever to misbehave; we’re then quick to conclude that everything about the man, his life, and his work is disgusting. Is this always rational? Michelangelo, they say, didn’t take off his boots for months at a time. Notice how immense crowds of people rush away from the Sistine Chapel, from Saint Peter’s, Rome, and from all his other works, disgusted by the footy stink that still pervades them.

Hubbard’s misbehaving went a lot further than the not-washing of feet. He hurt a lot of people by promising to help them resolve their problems but instead giving them other and often greater problems including the pain of humiliation and betrayal. He began the practice of “disconnection” that led to the splitting up of families. He tacitly encouraged or at least allowed the salespeople to promise results they could not deliver, and to pull from customers money they could not afford or might not have. He habitually bullied his staff and his organizations; he imposed what could be described as slave labour on loyal followers. He was addicted as a boss to periods of (as it were) spraying staff with gasoline and then throwing lit matches about; he thus could prove himself the only one able to put out the blaze – which he would blame on the staff. We dismiss Michelangelo’s feet when we open ourselves to the marvels he left us; a sense of proportion makes them trivial.  Hubbard left us some marvelous work but enforced on us his weakness, his self-torture. This we can’t and don’t overlook although we might in time come to learn from his mistakes. He was generous with his mistakes.


49 Replies to “Here We Go: Looking at Failure and Success. #1”

  1. AgnesIt’s my understanding that the Church was taken over and infiltrated by SPs, probably connected to other SPs running this planet. It makes perfect sense to me that they would target those closest to LRH and label them SPs. A thug has not place in an organization devoted to freeing spiritual beings and making them look and see that we have been enslaved. I doubt that the LRH described was actually LRH. He behaves like an SP. He must have been an actor put there to confuse people and destroy the organization. LRH was above the frailties of a body.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comMy goodness, Agnes, that’s a dramatic statement of opinion. I see you know all about LRH and have come to a really balanced conclusion based on direct experience!
      1. Marcel WengerKen,
        Thanks for starting that blog!
        I agree wholeheartedly with most of what you said so far.
        I have however a hard time thinking with what you (and a lot of other insiders for that matter) say about LRH’s “character”.
        Now like Agnes above I don’t know all about him either and certainly can’t form an opinion based on direct experience!
        But it just doesn’t make sense to me that the guy who developed this tech. would at the same time or a little later be such a jerk.
        It is, in my opinion, a glaring out-point! And it would certainly help to unearth the sherman tank, as a lot of people seem to come to the conclusion, that if he was so uncool and ended so sadly, the tech can’t be what they thought it was.
        In my search along those lines I recently came across some out-points that might point in the right direction. Like for instance: how come Ingo Swann was still in Scientology and interviewed by Advance Magazine in 1978, when by that time he had already been working for the CIA at the Rockefeller funded Stanford Research Institute for over 6 years.
        Do you have an explanation for this?
        1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Marcel, and thank you for all you say. About the glaring outpoint you bring up: It’s hard to find a way of saying what I see as a complex set of truths (hard enough to summarize) that doesn’t sound like a cop-out. Let’s first get out of the way the distraction that the conspiracy theorists will always claim that any explanation other than conspiracy is a cop-out. I don’t go for Conspiracy because I don’t have the particular genius that sees chains of conspiracy in every drop of dew on every petal of every rose. [I could say, wickedly and unkindly, that I am not keyed-in to that particular set of implants, and I won’t say that. I didn’t say that.]
          To have a chance to see LRH’s totality (not an easy task) one has to see the totality of the context in which he lived and worked, doing the particular kind of work that he did. Step back from life on Earth for a bit. You can see how conditions are on Earth today. You can have an idea of what conditions were like on Earth when LRH completed his war service (regardless of true or false about his service history). He was not in good condition physically or mentally. He stepped on to the path of bringing about some recovery. He awoke or activated in himself the urge that led him into Dianetics and Scientology. Look at the Axioms of Scientology. What is the message? We get what we want to hear, I suppose. I hear: “You are responsible for your condition, and you can better it by taking responsibility for it, moving on from there. Trust yourself. Grow up.” Get your own idea of what the Axioms of Scn tell us. They go pretty much to the heart of any problem. Remind yourself of the conditions of life when LRH started communicating broadly. Relatively few people heard him and duplicated something. These were the people who thought that growing up (or whatever they heard in LRH’s originations) was good. But 98% or so, heard or understood nothing; a small portion of them heard something of the call towards sanity and responsibility, understood it, and went crazy. They are still crazy, and they have stirred up a lot of negativity against Hubbard and Scn (with help from H and Scn). I’m not going to call these latter crazy people Suppressives because the term has always been questionable and is now nonsensical. My question in answer to your question is: How can you be so surprised that Hubbard went PTS? We must do him justice in acknowledging that he took on an absurdly impossible task and that although in carrying it through he got terribly injured (and we give a nod towards his Flow Zero responsibilities) he carried it through as far as he did. In my opinion, he achieved a mega-miracle. Well, he also created a horrible mess. That’s PTS for you. We can wish him well in his recovery, and be ready to welcome him back when he’s ready to return and put things right. I’m hoping he will, for his sake. But as a person much wiser through learning from his mistakes. And rehabbed as the huge and wonderful character he was/is. He had True and Necessary nailed. They got at him by separating him from his own natural Kindness. Without that kindness, he would never have begun the good work he did. This is my view.
          I have no comment about Ingo Swann, no. No data on it.
          1. Robin ScottExcellent, Ken, thank you, my friend – a fascinating insight!
          2. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Robin. One could take it further: What could anyone expect when effective Solution is suddenly shoved into the teeth of the Physical Universe’s unwavering dedication to Problem? What are the PU’s slaves going to do??
          3. Vinay AgarwalaIn my humble opinion, the mind has a limitation and that applies to Hubbard’s mind too.Mind has a limit to which it can stand to chaos. Too much chaos will overwhelm any mind. LRH was trying his absolute best to come up with solutions to an overwhelmed mind. He died a hero.I also do not buy the idea of suppressive person that has been overused by the current Church of Scientology. For LRH, SP was a case with too much chaos for which he did not have a solution as yet.For the current Church of Scientology, the number of SPs is growing because it is losing LRH tech rapidly that could have handled many of these cases they are misnaming “SP”.
          4. urqbones@gmx.comAgreeing with all you say here, Vinay. Thanks for your contributions and clarifications.
            Yes, we have learned that we could have done much more to support LRH in his struggles; we should have found a way to get around his insistence on writing the script for his movie, “I am The Only One Who Can”.
            I believe that LRH was right in separating out from those who absolutely refused to cease habits that were destructive to those around them. If you’re breeding first-class greyhounds you don’t fill your kennels with bad-tempered geese. But in dealing harshly with what he called “SP’s” he let down his natural kindness and generosity. By so doing, he let the “SP’s” and their bad habits define and own a part of his beingness. And a part of his group and his technology. We just couldn’t SEE it. Ah, well.
          5. Robin ScottHi KenIt has frequently occurred to me that LRH alone was not solely responsible for what happened with Scientology. All of those who got involved also effected the outcome, of course. We share in that responsibility. And all of those people brought their own particular brand of aberration with them! And religious groups have a habit of ending in madness.What I have always admired about you, my friend, is that you were one of the very first to walk away and try to do something about the situation. That demonstrates integrity and courage.Warmest regards, Robin
          6. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Robin. I do agree that we could have and should have taken responsibility for allowing LRH to get away with his misbehaviours. And yes, the field is well booby-trapped. Must disagree with you — respectfully — about “trying to do something about the situation.” I did walk away, as did so many of us. I kept my own counsel. I joined David Mayo’s group in 1983 but other than those things I was not active in doing something about the c of s situation. I had no faintest idea of what to do, vaguely supposing that the c of s would soon explode or implode through sitting across a theta line. Boy, was that ever a wrong estimation. What I’m hoping to do now is to encourage the re-examination of the core technology. Fingers crossed. Thanks as always for your support, Robin.
          7. Robin ScottHi KenGiven who you were at that time , even joining David’s group was a significant gesture and contribution, my friend. I remember seeing you on Shiona Fox-Ness’s video in 1984, and it made a big impression.It is precisely my intention, hopefully before too long, to describe clearly the positive aspects of the core technology. They will be re-examined in time, even if it takes hundreds of years.The irony is that for me the whole package worked incredibly well, including the RPF, but sadly it was spoiled by idiots.All the best, Robin
          8. urqbones@gmx.comI get you, Robin, and thank you. Let’s mention at this point that while I joined an independent centre that another (David Mayo) set up, you went ahead and set up your own!
            Looking forward to your speaking out.
            Alas, the idiots took their cue from a man who had his own Idiot Mode — which we around him Q&A’d with idiotically.
        2. ValkovI think of Hubbard’s dianetics/scientology span as having 2 parts. I’ll use an analogy. First, he looked to find or create a valuable product he could promote and sell. This turned out to be the philosophies and technics of dianetics/scientology.Once he codified the basic philosophy, he worked on developing the technics of it all. This was the ongoing development of the practical “Bridge”.But once he had the basics of this, he turned his attention to the creation of a long-lasting temporal organization for the delivery and preservation of the vgaluable “product(s)” he had developed. This was a whole different kettle of fish. There were many directions he could have gone with this, but he intimated that the org pattern he wanted to use was that of an organization that had lasted for millions of years. He evidently tweaked this in creating his org board, or so he said.Well, things happened and he reacted and made decisions etc. Other people were involved, and we see the result today in the actual form and conduct of the CoS. It could have happened differently, and in fact it did happen differently also. He allowed Bill Robertson go off and try a somewhat different model. Mayo tried a different model. So did “Sarge” Gerbode, and many smaller offshoots. Did Ron forsee and in fact create the dispersal intentionally? In any case, the dispersal of dianetics/scientology ideas and principles into the societies of th eworld is irreversible, although may be not in the way Hubbard hoped for.
          1. urqbones@gmx.comComment from me: I question how you KNOW that this came first: ” First, he looked to find or create a valuable product he could promote and sell.” You are saying that there was nothing within him other than the desire to run a business of some kind?
          2. ValkovNo, I’m not saying that at all. However I do think that he wanted to turn his interests and purposes into something that would also provide him with a means to make a living for himself and his associates. I think that he choose as a “valuable final product” somehthing that could benefit a whole lot of people, maybe even the Dynamics as a whole, speaks volumes about what he had in him for goals and purposes, or incliniations. He could have, after all, chosen to get into the liquor business, or even into manufacturing and selling weapons selling wepons, guns and bombs for example, as a way of making money. Instead, he choose to develop and market ways of improving life that could be generally applied.
          3. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Valkov. I agree that what he produced arose out of his interests and purposes. And of course, he had to make his activity viable. You might be interested to know that he said to me privately one day, in his office on the ship, “People think that I started this work only out of a this-lifetime purpose. I have been working on it for many lifetimes.” Now that is what he said to me, and would have been what he considered to be true, I believe.
          4. ValkovThanks Ken. I can relate. It’s good to hear from someone who actually knew him.And about your second reply, I got that feeling, that he wasn’t much into money until later, from the lectures I listend to. I think he was into having fun developing what he thought was going to be beneficial. Having fun because he felt he could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
          5. urqbones@gmx.comVery good, Valkov. We’re on the same page. I can add to what we’ve already said: When I first went to SH in 1963, he was working on what became the Clearing Course. He told me that he had stepped back from his management role in order to undertake and complete this task. When it was done, in late 1964, he went back into the management lines and found that the SH corporations had fallen into debt. He got the SH organization producing and delivering, with high income regularly, debts cleared. So we could see that while he had developed excellent business sense and skills, and could do the work of getting income, he made it for the organization, not for himself. He was outflowing to the world, principally, with attention only as necessary on inflow, and he understood how necessary the inflow of money is.
          6. urqbones@gmx.comSecond reply from me: I was close enough to LRH for long enough to see for myself that he had very little interest in money for himself — for his first dynamic — until 1973 and later. He did make sure that large amounts of money accumulated but they accumulated in the corporate reserves, not in his pockets. In 1973 he began changing money flows so that substantial amounts were paid to him.
      2. Vinay AgarwalaLOL!
  2. Robin Scott“some blessed spark will ignite a review and honest re-evaluation, carrying the best of the man’s work back into its rightful sphere as a source of helpful tools humankind can use. ”My remaining life’s ambition precisely, Ken! Good to see you validating the pluspoints – exactly what I intend to do in my own book in due course.Best, Robin
    1. urqbones@gmx.comGood luck with your book, Robin! Glad to know you will put your reflections on record too.
    2. Marcel WengerMy remaining life’s ambition precisely, too, Scott!
      Marcel Wenger
    3. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75-03Robin,
      You are so brainy, I would read anything you’ve written in your decades of thinking and writing on Scientology, just because you are really a smart cookie.(I’ve thought my best future atheist, ex Scientologist [I enjoyed my decades of being sort of an in-house nerd to every line LRH wrote] contribution was to compile the writings of the smartest ex members, and you for sure are one of them.)I’d read your book or essays in a heartbeat.
      1. Robin ScottThanks, Chuck – that’s generous praise from a man like yourself, who has contributed so much over the years to right the wrongs. I respect and admire your courageous actions for a long time now, and remember you well from the FH ballroom in 1976, my friend!Interestingly, I come from a long line of Ministers of Religion, going back three hundred years; plus I had a degree from Oxford in Religious Philosophy, so I was well qualified intellectually to make value judgements about Scientology.All the very best, Robin
  3. Vinay AgarwalaI think much of the world was at Hubbard’s throat because he valued his own survival above everybody else’s. This resulted in his betrayal of many people who trusted him. He used “survival” as the basic principle of existence and focused on it. But the world is really “evolving” and not just “surviving”. Thus “survival” failed him philosophically too.Hubbard failed to evolve.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comWell, Vinay, I’d say he focused on the ‘survival’ of a valence. I’d say that we responded to his best flows and he produced them when IN valence. His shift of valence gave us some by-passed charge. I’m not sure that anyone on this Earth can say that an individual didn’t evolve as he ‘should’ have in a lifetime. Just maybe LRH did a heroic job of evolving as far as he did in the environment he found himself in. Not saying that this is the case. How would you judge that it isn’t? I don’t think you can. So how can you judge him at all in terms of evolving?
      1. Vinay AgarwalaI do not judge. I simply observed the following:(1) That LRH did not evolve out of his valence he wanted to ‘survive’. He rather got more sucked into it.(2) That LRH did not believe that anybody else could advance the subject of Scientology, so he closed his eyes to all critique good or bad. He even did his best to suppress all criticism till the end of his days.(3) That LRH did not want the philosophy of Scientology to discussed among its adherents. He wanted his philosophy to be accepted without question. Here I am talking about philosophy and not the tech.(4) LRH promoted a closed mind as it was graded positively on tests.(5) The law of Karma applies to everyone. It applied to LRH too.
  4. Stewart WilcoxI remember my first opinion when I wandered into Scientology in the late 60’s, it was that these Scientologists are giant beings, full of spiritual knowlege and power and wanting to help raise their fellow man (me in this instance,) up.
    I haven’t changed my mind about those first Scientologists who helped me out of the hole; they were giants and they did rescue me.
    What happened later after Ron crashed on his motor bike and became the awful thing he is remembered as, does not change what he gave us, and the Freezone will continue his legacy I’m sure. Thanks Ken for witnessing….
    1. urqbones@gmx.comStewart, I had the same kind of jolt in my first experience of Scientology. It was fourteen hours of group auditing over two days. It was like entering a lift and then going off like a rocket. What impressed me most was the auditor presence and session control, and then the effects of the sessions themselves. As I suffered from paralyzing stage fright, I really wanted that presence and ability to control self and hold others’ attention. That was in the old London Org on Fitzroy Street. Yes, the people in the org in those days were immensely enthusiastic and always friendly, full of energy and hope. In those days, the ARCU with and from Ron was palpable, and yes, over the years it lessened greatly. Sad. But there we are…
  5. Andrew SmithKen, do you have an opinion on the alleged OT8 text where Ron says he’s against Jesus? It seems to be consistent with his (also alleged ) admiration of Aleister Crowley. I speculate that he and AC were playing a game of “us against the universe” or “us against big Theta” and the poison that did them both in was the preference for power over love (eg the gasoline story ).As for myself I’m in my 2nd year of solo NOTS with help from Les and is going well. Love to you!
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Andrew, and thanks for yours. 🙂 I don’t pay attention to any of the supposed OT8 materials made available on the internet. LRH never expressed to me any admiration for A.Crowley. Can’t comment on what games AC was playing; LRH’s games weren’t always open but I would agree that after producing his best work he moved over into preferring what he thought was ‘power’ to love, definitely. I have this question in mind to address in some detail later. Delighted to hear you’re happy with your SNOTs and working with Les. 🙂
  6. OnuLife is a game where everyone wins.
    We know this is true so we keep ttrying.“Some blessed spark will ignite a review and honest re-evaluation, carrying the man’s work back into its rightful sphere as a source of helpful tools humanity can use.”The major technical issue as far a I can see, is the non-resolution of VIAS to other determinisms, both outside and within existence.The non-resolution of vias to reference points per:ORIENTATION POINT, 1. that point in relation to which others have location. It is also that point from which the space containing the locations is being created. (COHA, p. 54) 2. a point of reference from which the position of other objects is judged. People are often found still using orientation points from childhood which may be thousands of miles from their present time location. The goal of Scientology is that the thetan be his own principal orientation point, and that he have the ability to use or discard any other point of reference. (COHA Gloss)The non-resolution of vias is the primary problem with the most fundamental process in Scientology which addresses the resolution of FORCE directly at all levels:Date/Locate.Vias on measuring systems should be accepted, as they are, but then taken up and resolved in the session immediately following, as a first priority.It is often found that vias on measuring systems are resolved as vias to winning valences, identities, know-points and knowingnesses at referential locations within space and/or people as pure theta.The consequences of the non-resolution of vias on measuring systems are self evident in the practical problems faced by LRH and Scientology.The secondary problem in Date/Locate is in the Date section which measure from PT to the other location. This is inverted. The persons attention at the moment of ‘blow’ is on the other location.The correct method is to measure from the other location to the PT Location at the tip of the finger by Direction, Distance from…. to PT Location and measure/countdown in complete units to Blow. The force blows at or near the vicinity of the PT Body. All of the persons attention is in PT at the moment of Blow.The consequences of the LRH version are apparent in the obsession with resolution of the whole track, Enities and BTs, all of which are out of PT and resolve as considerations of existence and theta postulates in PT.The tertiary problem with Date/Locate is that whereas both Location and Reach & Withdraw are primary actions of Life, Spotting only addresses Locate and does not resolve the persons ability to Reach & Withdraw.In the context of Date/Locate the function of Reach & Withdraw is resolved by the action of Measurement and Countdown to Blow. Thus it becomes self-evident that the following are essential:a) The resolution of vias on measuring systemsb) Establishing and maintaining a PT reference point at the moment of blowSpotting handles Location only.
    Determinisms impinge upon the ability to Reach & Withdraw.It actually requires a higher degree of confront to firstly spot location to blow and then differentiate distance from…. to PT and resolve the ability to Reach & Withdraw.None of the above can be acheived without the prior resolution of vias as they present themselves.Full application of these principles in a rising scale process which accommodates evolving skills and perceptions results in the rehabilitation of space oer the 8-8008 concept applied to the actual Physical Universe and Spheres of Interest instead of Mental Space.There are other technical areas which could be further inspected and clarified.
    The route in is the resolution of Date / Locate into a simplified and effective precise procedure based upon principles instead of PC and Auditor Realities as per the current version.Date/Locate is the most fundamental process in Scientology for the resolution of force.I am setting up an LRH Working Group based upon the foundation of LRH principles.The first focus is Out-Tech Repair & Correction followed by Service and is based upon Pure LRH.The above principles have proved of particular use in resolving out-tech in both the COS and Independent Field within my limited experience, resultant in the gradient rehabilitation of both ARC and KRC, including the resolution of vias to other determinisms.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Onu. You are most welcome to ‘set out your stall’ (so to speak) here. You will be welcome in the future to make a paper or a detailed piece available to us by linking to it from this blog and by referring us to it. While I’m more than happy that knowledgeable, intelligent, and discerning people examine the body of tech that LRH left us, the specifics of the examination and the resulting material are beyond the scope of this particular blog. And also beyond the scope of my poor wits. 🙂
  7. FranHi Ken,
    Thanks for expressing your views regarding your perceptions, experiences and relationship with LRH. Viewpoints of the event from someone directly on the scene adds some clarity to a very confused event riddle with subjective projection/delusion,robotic brainwashed idealism and down right misinformation.
    Still “on occasion ” sorting out my own pictures of the event.
    Haven’t vaguely approached the enormous task of sorting out the “Tech”. Some probably workable, some very workable , and some probably a fair amount of “Bunk”.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Fran. I agree: there is a huge job of sorting-out to do. One of LRH’s legacies is the need to do this work. To be fair, he was aware that it had to be done although he didn’t do it or get it done. We will have to hope that there will be enough people with the abilities, skills, wisdom, and integrity to do the work and to do it well — and in good time. How they will do that without the kind of training we’ve had up to now (in the best kind of academies and course-rooms) I just don’t know.
      1. Vinay AgarwalaI do not think that LRH provided much training for the ‘Source’ Hat. He pretty much kept it to himself. Even though he was widely read he did not encourage others to read widely.I do not think that anyone will find this kind of training “in the best kind of academies and course-rooms.” One simply has to be widely read.Sorry to be critical. I assure you I will let you know of my withholds in this area when I find them. Haha!
        1. urqbones@gmx.comWell, Vinay, I don’t see homo sapiens having much reality on what the TRs really are without a lot of help from people who have received good training on them — as one example. Am not particularly concerned, myself, about new and better tech. Am concerned about the simple tech that people can use in their everyday lives to help make things better in everyday life. I don’t regard you as critical. I note that you are, so far, emphasizing the negative. I doubt we will find anyone with time enough to pull YOUR withholds. I am not volunteering. 🙂
  8. Vinay AgarwalaKen, you have that British (or, Scottish) sense of humor that simply keeps the tea spilling in my hand.Keep it up! 🙂
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Vinay. Glad to hear you’re scalding your hand. You keep that up, now. 🙂
  9. hadleyDear ken
    I enjoyed reading your blog some nice views written there .
    I have myself had a great experience in the earlier days of LR H and wouldn’t ever forget it . I am grateful to have had been there and working there and along side yourself Ken.
    I certainly agree LRH is not responsible for the state of the church it is today . His developments as written under him when alive was had produced great results . The working relationship and operations at St Hill was very nice , with good communication agmonst those that were with him at St Hill and with staff and generally it was all very positive people liked working there , The whole objective was training , auditing and promoting with the objective to enhance and make the able more able and improve one self .
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Hadley, and thank you for visiting and for your kind words. I am so glad you have your happy memories. 🙂 I’m sorry to say that I don’t agree with your view that LRH is not responsible for the state of the c of s today. I observed him change as he aged (directly, between the years 1969 — 1975, and remotely thereafter) from the LRH we had known at SH. He grew more and more autocratic. He put in place and kept in place the people who took over command of the organization even before he died. He did not leave in place a structure that could have upheld the basic technology, ethics, and admin so many of us signed up for, in vain.
  10. OnuThanks for your acknowledgement, Ken. I shall take up your suggestion on any further similar comments. 😊On the subject of TRs amongst the general population I would say that having met and interacted with many types of people from differing walks of life, my opinion differs.Many people naturally have excellent TRs and communication skills plus a great deal of common sense. These are a combination of prescence and experience. Such persons may not be particularly interested in following a specific philosophy or dogma but nevertheless have a profound impact upon the people around them simply because of whom they are and the way they conduct themselves.I don’t hold with the LRH views on the condition of humanity and consider them somewhat primitive, archaic and born of his particular culture and background. I think most persons, namely the bulk of humanity, excepting those who accept LRH as a higher authority, would be inclined to agree with me. LRH forgot too easily that we are all human beings walking on the same ground facing the same problems, each in our own way.Each person is unique.
    We can all learn from each other.
    Frankly I am often amazed by the depth of understanding and the sheer ability and willingness to confront, participate and experience demonstrated by simple everyday people in everyday life.
    The basic truths of life are here to be found by everyone.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks for this, Onu, and for accepting the term.
      I don’t disagree with you on your point. There are many able people doing wonderful things entirely separate of Scn theory and practice. This doesn’t invalidate Scn. What I’m having difficulty with is that all these decent, hardworking, responsible, and able people are so willing to have their lives structured and spoiled by fellow human beings who are not so ethical as they, not so decent, hardworking for the few, not responsible for the many, and able in causing mischief. What’s going on with these decent people that they put up with the mischief and the nonsense??
  11. OnuThe SP preys upon the gullibility of the PTS without whose sanction they could not exist here.Resolving this does take accepting people as they actually are.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Onu. I hear all that you say. Would that all could hear it. How many have the ears to hear it with?Let me echo you with these lines from the Isha Upanishad, one of my most favourite passages:They who see all creatures in themselves, and themselves in all creatures, know no fear.
      They who see all creatures in themselves, and themselves in all creatures, know no grief.
      How can the multiplicity of life delude the one that sees Life’s unity?
      Full text here:
  12. OnuWithout Love, which is reflected within the confines of existence as Affinity and translated into ARC, Affinity, Reality and Communication – derived from and resultant in Understanding, we could not exist here.Yet we have freedom of choice.The person who has chosen love of light, good, life and constructive intent as their way of being cannot comprehend the person who has chosen love of dark, evil, death and destructive intent as their way of being.The only saving grace is that the power of destruction, death, evil and darkness in a negative sense, derives from Love. Once this has been recognised by the PTS they are free and naturally distance themselves from the source of the SP Phenomena.
    No evaluation of disconnection is necessary.In turn, the SP when they present themselves to find out what is going on with their prey and why the PTS is no longer under their control, with correct application of the TRs and Codes plus the distinction per the Code of Honour that Understanding does not necessarily imply agreement -be true to oneself -the SP is sessionable.The purpose, morals, ethics and sense of integrity of the SP is the antithesis of the PTS. Yet it also derives from Love.
    The pure unmotivated act that results in the assumption of beingness. For the SP this is simply love of darkness, evil, death and destructive intent. A choice.When the SP recognises that all their power derives from Love they are inexorably tranformed from within and over a period of time become invaluable contributing members of their families and communities with the full assumption of responsibility for redress of harm done, by choice.The PTS assumes the SP has the same purpose, morals, ethics and sense of integrity as their own whereas in truth it is the complete antithesis. Believing this to be true, that the SP is basically good, the PTS compromises, accepts the inversions, reversals and sacrifices and adopts the substituted stable data of the SP as their own, which the PTS then justifies by right/wrong assignments and assumptions and as a result generates a cyclic pattern of negation and unresolved problems to solve. Trapped by their own choices.Life in the physical universe is hard.
    Everything is made manifest.
  13. Scott GordonVery much enjoying these notes sharing your viewpoint and bits of history.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Scott. And thank you for visiting. Hope we’ll see you again.

Comments are closed.


Some more illustrious career information

There was no keel-hauling on the ship; she was docked in Corfu. I didn’t meet with LRH for a week or two. There was no indication that I was in his bad books, as the telex made me imagine. When I did bump into him, he welcomed me warmly. At once the old friendship glow came to life. Up till then I hadn’t settled with myself if I would stay or go back to Britain. Reservations about remaining on board receded and soon my continued presence signaled that I was all right with being one of the crew.

He shortly made me “LRH Communicator Apollo” [his representative in the sub-group of people responsible for operating the ship Apollo as a ship and running Scientology services for the crew] but in late 1969 he created the position of “LRH Personal Communicator” and put me on it. As such, I was a principal executive aide; after 1973, I began to feel unable to follow LRH on the path he was taking. Even so, I remained on the post until 1978,  when I had the pleasure of going to the Rehabilitation Project Force (“RPF”) at the new Scn HQ in Clearwater, Florida. In those days the RPF did a lot of good. I know that for a fact because I designed and set it up on the ship in order for it to do good. And it did me good when I went through it. Later, others changed it and thus achieved for it a gloriously bad reputation. From the RPF I went into the department at Clearwater that delivered the most advanced levels of Scientology to the public.

In that same period, I made it known that I was reviewing what I would do with the rest of my life. The authorities already knew me as one not too keen on remaining with the group that had changed so much from what I had originally given my loyalty to. Subsequently, in 1982, my seniors and betters kicked me out on to the street in Clearwater nastily [a goon spat in my face] and noisily. I’d thought to slip out of the door quietly so as not to disturb the equanimity of anyone okay with staying and for whom I’d been a comrade. I felt that people should make up their own minds and not be swayed by my action. Proud recipient of two Suppressive Person Declares, both rubbish. No ambition to return; they got tired of asking me to go “back on the team.”

I was in pieces after this ending to what had been my life. A number of friends helped me get back on my feet and to them I’m forever grateful. In 1983, I went to David Mayo’s new independent centre in Santa Barbara, California; there I worked for several months before setting out on my own practice as a travelling auditor. This I did for many years, along with some projects here and there, mostly within the US. The idea that I would return to Scotland, where I’d lived for some happy years in childhood, was always at the back of my mind for “when I get old.”. A few years ago I found myself living again in Scotland, and having to acknowledge, with some surprise, that I had indeed become “old”. It’s good to take a break from having to keep telling people how to spell and pronounce my name. Thank you, Scotland. Also very happy to be close again to my big brother, Alastair. He always knows how to keep me in line.

I have retired from auditing but enjoy doing Book One, a very basic level. Now I have this blog to develop.

[Thanks to a friend, I corrected the date I went to David Mayo’s centre in Santa Barbara. It was in 1983, not 1984 as I first stated.]


17 Replies to “Some more illustrious career information”

  1. JudiHi Ken,
    So glad to see you and to read about your experiences with LRH.. not to mention the revealed fact of your designing the RPF. I can’t say that I will ever consider that a healthy endeavor. Personal introspection, good communication, community service perhaps if there have indeed been actual wrongs committed.. but never the RPF. But then, I was just an observer of those assigned.. and it wasn’t a pleasant experience watching you all. I hurt for each and every one of you..not from a “staff” pov.. but as a fellow human being.I also left in 1982..escaped actually and had my own series of ups and downs… we have spoken briefly via email since. And I never did send you that biz card holder.. in purples and greens. :0(I have moved to Florida, about 2 hours south of CW…and I love it here…love the sand and the palms and the clean air. Don’t think I could do England again with the cold and the rain and there’s nobody left there for me now anyway.I look forward to reading more of your blog as it unfolds.Lottsa Love,
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Judi, for joining us. Great to know you are happy in Cockroach County. :))
      Well, you have your bias about the RPF too. Not to worry. We won’t send you there. Yet.
  2. Vinay AgarwalaKen, I was on the very first RPF on the ship when the whole Programs Bureau was unloaded into it. I think that experience lasted a few weeks only. It was a shocking experience but not brutal.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comGood, Vinay. It was not meant to be brutal. Sorry about the shock, though. It was designed for a certain result and to not waste time getting it. That was within the context of the Sea Org, not of ‘normal’ life.
      1. Vinay AgarwalaKen, I am curious to know about the key input from LRH that gave a purpose for RPF and defined its boundaries. Thanks.
        1. urqbones@gmx.comVinay, this is a story I’ve yet to tell on this blog. But I can tell you that the only key input he had in the drawing up of the original RPF Flag Order was the simple order to me “to handle ‘case on post’ amongst the crew. He mentioned no boundaries. After the original issue, he made some additions, such as the RPF’s RPF. And I’m glad I can say I didn’t do that. Whole story later.
          1. Vinay AgarwalaThanks for the data. 🙂
    2. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75-03Vinay,
      How important it’d be for you to detail your experiences of the first RPF, for posterity, Vinay, if you can stand to write a chapter or paper in detail, the more details the better.
      1. urqbones@gmx.comYeah, Vinay. Let it all hang out. 🙂 Would you present the RPF experience as a cruel violation of human rights?
  3. OnuThe glow of freindship amongst kindred spirits transcends the limitations of time and space and establishes whom we really are together.Thankyou Ken.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comYessir. “Water always finds its own level.” In other words, it takes a rogue to recognize another. 🙂
  4. SpikeHello Ken – I appreciate the tone of this blog. I have a feeling there is much more to come. I have also been ‘out’ since 1982. It is no coincidence that many others chose to leave in that year. My attention has come back to this subject since the Aftermath series on TV, and rediscovering where people are and what’s been going on is truly an eye-opener.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Spike, welcome, and thanks for the visit and the encouragement. 🙂I must get on with the next couple of posts.
  5. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75-03“…. I’d thought to slip out of the door quietly so as not to disturb the equanimity of anyone okay with staying and for whom I’d been a comrade. ….”That is such a perfect statement of a common feeling that ex staff are forced to make. Sublimating their feelings, so as not to “disturb the equanimity of anyone okay with staying….”Your way with words, and voicing the sentiments that participants on the highest staff rungs feel each generation who rise up and then wish to get out, is perfect.I thought doing the RPF was the honorable way to let the group see me as a “failure” and allow me to slip back to regular life.This must be also the feelings of ex nuns and ex monks who leave their lifetime “vows” of allegiance to their “church” group.It must just be a human psychological logical reaction.I so enjoy your writings.
  6. Linda McGinleyDan Koon steered me to your blog, Urq. Very nice. I am interested to hear what you have to say!
  7. Rheva Bittelman AcevedoDearest Ken:You’re missed.Big hug,
    1. urqbones@gmx.comDearest Rheva,Thank you!
      Alas, with your arms, a hug doesn’t go too far these days. :((
      Nonetheless, I could do with a Shrimp hug.
      Thanks for visiting!
      Hope to see you again.Love to you,

Comments are closed.


Looking at Failure and Success. #2

Why is Hubbard’s best work at all valuable?

The success of Hubbard’s best work is, in my estimation, that it enables abundance of Solution and some mastery of Problem, giving us a key to many gates that Problem locks for us. Often, spiritual leaders of the past, such as the Buddha and Jesus Christ[1], have pointed humankind in a certain direction, which I will encapsulate, daringly, in my own words: If you are unhappy with any part of Life, you could discover the truth you want to live by, live only by your truth, discarding untruth no matter its origin. What we seem to have lacked, though, is methodology by which large numbers of people could feel confident in discovering and respecting their truth. Our spiritual leaders, it seems, believed that hearing their view of truth [often using different language to express thoughts they had in common] would enable every individual who wants to come to his or her own truth to get there.  There’s the rub: to look inwards presents us with a map we can’t always read. Many of us try honestly to discover what is true for us but come up against some uncertainty and confusion. Hubbard produced a key to unlock many aspects of uncertainty and confusion. That he couldn’t stop himself creating intermittent uncertainty and confusion around him in his own living doesn’t reduce the value of his key.

I have the utmost awe, respect, and love for the Buddha and for Jesus although I am not part of any organized activity connected with their names or their work. I believe that the Buddha and Jesus did point us to better ways of seeing and living life[2]. Personal experience, including some that was really painful, convinced me as a teenager that many of us (I one of them) lacked some knowledge of how to live together humanely. I found a lot of such know-how in Scientology; when introduced to it in 1957 I was exploring both Christianity and psychology but not finding support. I was nineteen years of age at the time and I can say that what Scientology quickly taught me saved me from collapse into fearful dysfunctionality. By lucky chance, I got to know Hubbard personally and closely in the 60s; I became a confidential aide of his in the early 70s and although we fell out I stayed in the organization up to 1982. What I learned from Scientology and from Hubbard personally rescued my little bit of frail sanity.

No-one can tell me or any person trained well in Scientology methods, that it doesn’t work when correctly applied for its designed purpose – to help resolve Problem and arrive at Solution. I don’t say that Hubbard’s approach makes anyone else’s unnecessary. It is complementary to any approach dedicated to what is necessary and true and that practices kindness. If you take the best from the Buddha, the best from Jesus, the best from any spiritual truth-teller, the best from anybody who utters that which is true, necessary, and kind, and add to it the constructive, practical wisdom of Hubbard, you can make excellent progress. Anyone who speaks and practices that which is true, necessary, and kind, is working towards Solution. Without Hubbard’s contribution to the analysis and understanding of Problem, success might well be limited or at any rate slower.

I don’t claim to know that Hubbard’s key is available to every individual everywhere at all times: I’m not that smart. There are all sorts and conditions of people and circumstance beyond my ken. If Scientology is not right for a person as he or she is, then it is not right for that individual …period. Every individual must be free to follow the path that feels best and rightest.

If we are honest with ourselves in discerning the truth that is necessary for us to be who we really are, we can be pretty sure that the path that feels right and best will make the life around us better for our presence and actions. Contrariwise, if we are untrue to ourselves we are more likely to find ourselves on a path of mischief or at the mercy of others’ mischief. Do we really need yet more mischief in the world? I don’t think so.

Are you adrift from your truth in some part of your life? Hubbard can help you turn that around, if you want to consider letting him. You don’t have to be a “Scientologist” to use his tools or, more fundamentally, to find the truth at the core of you. The only qualification is to be a human being wanting your truth deeply and strongly enough to trust yourself to relax back into it. It hasn’t gone anywhere; it’s still with you, still waiting for you. Your Problems come from untruths that you hang on to; Solution comes as you expose the falsehoods previously hidden within the problems, and you understand that you are hanging on to each falsehood. Every problem carries with it the underlying truth necessary to resolve it; accessing the necessary truth brings Solution. You come closer to recognizing your individual basic necessary truth. When you reach that point, you support and increase, or awaken and inspire, the spirit of Solution all around you. I think this is a good thing to do in our lives.

I believe that the only person who can fully understand and embrace your truth is YOU, and that no other human being can do it for you. However, some humans can help you with this task, and those most respectful of truth can help you greatly. But a well-trained Scientologist can help you as much if not more than most. How you can tell if a Scientology practitioner is well-trained, ethical, and trustworthy we will consider later. Of course, people of different beliefs can be highly ethical and trustworthy. The deeper and faster an approach can get to Solution the more necessary that the practitioner be thoroughly trained in his or her approach and of highest personal integrity. Scientology can be so fast there is no room for fudging. You are clambering the highest mountain, and you want to do it without a guide who knows the equipment, the ice, the rocks, the weather, and the risks?

Next, I want to deal with some reasons why it is important that we uncover our truth. But first a little detour since I’m linking Scientology so closely here to religion, and some clarification is in order since the term ‘religion’ is loaded.

[1] I apologize for not being familiar enough with the subject to include the names of many other spiritual leaders who have guided us; I acknowledge that there are many and intend disrespect to none.

[2] In speaking of Jesus, I refer to the Jesus of “The Gospel According to Jesus: A New Translation and Guide to His Essential Teachings for Believers and Unbelievers” by Stephen Mitchell, and of the Jefferson Bible.CATEGORIESUNCATEGORIZED

33 Replies to “Looking at Failure and Success. #2”

  1. Vinay AgarwalaI think Hubbard was a pioneer in many ways, and in that sense he has my utmost respect. Yes, he was successful, but ultimately he failed, because there are big holes in his philosophy. He invalidated Buddha’s concept of nirvana in his book “Scientology 8-8008”, which, obviously, he did not understand. That raised a warning flag for me, while I was in Sea Org.But Hubbard’s work has much to offer. Hopefully, others will take his work forward.
  2. Vinay AgarwalaBuddha was very scientific. I don’t think that aspect of Buddha is understood too well in the West, where science is limited to the objectivity of the physical universe. Buddha taught the objectivity of the metaphysical universe, which Hubbard didn’t quite get. Hubbard got stuck with the subjectivity of self, and that did him in.It is true that Hubbard’s methods do bring miraculous changes in a person. But that is in the beginning only, like picking low hanging fruits. In the long run, Hubbard’s methods do not seem to be that effective. That indicates a weakness in his philosophy, which falls short of the philosophies of Buddha and Christ. In my opinion, Hubbard’s philosophy ends up pumping the ego.
  3. Patricia KrenikI can and can’t, both, imagine what it must have been like to work so close to LRH. At his best he was an amazing communicator. He loved games, and had a game with almost everyone he knew. Although I did not myself experience his various oddities, like no tolerance for pepper, I can well imagine what it would be to serve someone who was so volatile, both in a good way as when he was excited over the tech, and in other ways when he felt thwarted.
    One thing he taught was that it was one’s own overts that caused blows, but he also admitted to that being a control mechanism. Truly one who was close to him must run off any arc breaks first, before being concerned with any overts of their own. Run them all out, including any wrong indications he may have made.
    Ron was a unique person, a master of games, he brought both bad and good into my life. I’m so happy to have known him but also happy that I wasn’t like working close with him for a long time. It was easy for me to let go when I heard he passed away, unlike some others to whom I had more exposure.
    He made life interesting, to say the least.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Pat, and thanks for what you have always been and given. 🙂
  4. Stewart WilcoxWhen people are broken mentally, spiritually, ethically, they need a gentle guide back to themselves. Good C/S’d auditing can do that.
  5. Vinay AgarwalaBuddha was very scientific. I don’t think that aspect of Buddha is understood too well in the West, where science is limited to the objectivity of the physical universe only. Buddha taught the objectivity of the metaphysical universe, which Hubbard didn’t quite get. Hubbard got stuck with the subjectivity of self, and that did him in.It is true that Hubbard’s methods do bring miraculous changes in a person. But that is in the beginning only, like picking low hanging fruits. In the long run, Hubbard’s methods do not seem to be that effective. That indicates a weakness in his philosophy, which falls short of the philosophies of Buddha and Christ. In my opinion, Hubbard’s philosophy ends up pumping the ego.Hubbard’s contribution is more in the field of “metaphysical surgery” then in the field of philosophy. That is why it has a quick short-term success and that can be huge. But Hubbard’s philosophy is a failure as a way of life.The phrase, “Being true to ourselves”, sounds good only subjectively. It doesn’t free one from kinkiness and aberrations objectively. This is just an empty phrase, which may be good for boosting the ego. This is where Hubbard deviated from Buddhism at the fundamental level. The basic falsehood is that you are permanent or eternal.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comVinay, some things I have to tell you: I get that you have great respect for the good work that Hubbard did, as I do. I get that to you Buddhism has more to offer than Scn does. No problem. I am happy that you are happy with your path. Now, this blog is my pulpit, not yours. By this I am not trying to say that you’re not welcome. You are. But not to preach Buddhism or to promote it or your version of it. If you have something to say that arises out of your Buddhism, you are welcome to point us to a link which tells us what you have in mind.
      Also: I have my own relationship with the Buddha; I read what are said to be his words (in The Dhammapada) and I love to take them in. I don’t know that I always understand them but they are beautifully meaningful to me. I wouldn’t want to live without them. I’ve made it clear in the blog that I am not a member of any organized community connected with his name (or Christ’s). Those organized communities are welcome to do their own things and I’m not interfering with them. [Perhaps I’m arrogant, but I don’t welcome any human interference with my comm lines on the eighth dynamic (to give that part of life a name we’re familiar with). I hope I’m open to anyone who is awake, aware, and enlightened.]Thirdly: I prefer that all expressions of viewpoint conform to the following standard, which I try to adhere to myself: Say and do only that which is True, Necessary, and Kind. You have been saying what to you is True and Necessary to be said. In some of these statements you have declared, for example, that Hubbard didn’t evolve or he didn’t this or that, and that scn is limited in this way or that. Now, Hubbard and Scn had their faults, limitations, misconceptions, as we all know. I’m saying that when we refer to these negative aspects, we will do so in a manner which is kind to the best of Hubbard and of Scn, and kind to all readers. Of course, in order to be kind, we have to be both True and say what is Necessary. But to speak out of a negative attitude towards a subject is to be speaking out of a fixed view; a fixed view has already separated itself from Kindness, is of limited Truth, and adrift from Necessity.Fourthly, Buddhism evidently is not short of dogma. This blog is no place for organized and established dogma; as with attitudes, dogma divorces itself from Truth, Necessity, and Kindness. This, at any rate is my dogma, and as this is my blog, I’m sticking with it.
      To quote The Dhammapada: “In this world,/Hate never yet dispelled hate./Only love dispels hate./Knowing this, how can you quarrel?/ A dismissive attitude is a gradient of Hate. Let’s not invite any quarrels, hey? 🙂
      1. Vinay AgarwalaKen, You get me wrong. I am not beating the drum for Buddhism.
        1. urqbones@gmx.comOkay, Vinay, you’re not beating the drum for Buddhism.
          Can you clarify for me what you want to say?
          1. Vinay AgarwalaI shall withhold any criticism of LRH philosophy and technology for now because it does not belong here. All I can say here is that I wish LRH had a more detailed and explicit model of the mind.
          2. urqbones@gmx.comVinay, you do what suits your purposes, and god speed to you in them. I need to make it clear that I have no problem with criticism of LRH philosophy or technology (as long as it sticks to what is true, necessary, and kind). But you are right; the thrust of this blog is to point up that although there is in LRH’s philosophy and technology much that is unclear, let alone unnecessary, sometimes untrue, and definitely unkind, there is a solid core of sanity. I do agree that he could have had a more detailed and explicit model of the mind. As for criticism of the philosophy and technology, I support all such that starts from a platform of acceptance of that which is sound. We have yet to create for ourselves that platform. I wonder which generation, if any, will get around to it.
  6. freebeeingThanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences Ken.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comDeep bow
  7. OnuProblems : Solutions
    There is always an underlying truth beneath it all that makes sense of it all.Understanding dissolves Truth into practical reality where truth is variable according to context a where the person is looking from.So is truth a subject or an object of perception? Can it be both?People tend to regard fundamental realisations as truths whereas that may only be true from the viewpoint assumed and context.Truth can act as a stable datum, a reference point from which relationships can be extended.So one could say that truth is invented.Are Reality and Actuality independent of Truth or determined by it?
    1. urqbones@gmx.comAs far as I’m personally concerned, Onu, everything which persists does so because it includes as part of itself some unquestioned untruth. Nothing original in the idea. In shared and organized existence, one lives amongst factors that persist. Inescapable. Truth, then, consists of (a) the fundamental Truth that has been altered by the untruth that makes the factor persist, and (b) full understanding of and responsibility for the precise alteration(s) of Truth that make persist the factor we want to remain in place. Were we to choose to return to Truth every single alteration of truth, we would end up with That-Truth-Than-Which-Nothing-Can-Be-Truer, a state of continuous as-isness. For me, this is an outcome much to be desired, but not to everyone’s taste, I know. However, it is my answer to your question.
      Well, reconsidering what I just wrote, I can see that it doesn’t say how I think one would go about returning to Truth. I see it as a stepping-back from each item to be examined for Truth/untruth, an exteriorization from it and from the space which includes it, a permeation of all, and discernment of what keeps persistence in place, and duplication leading to as-isness. Then doing the same with whatever now enters the enlarged space and is persisting. [Doesn’t this happen in session? Doesn’t it happen in meditation? It happens in Life. Excuse me — what else are we here for?]
      Finally, I consider the discipline of accomplishing as-isness to be the central core of LRH’s gift to us. I believe the concept was known before but it was LRH who brought it into immediate application in all aspects of living. He made it available to all, everywhere, always. “Blessed are they who do hunger and seek after Truth, for they shall be filled.” The original has “righteousness” and I’ve changed it to “Truth” for my own purposes. LRH opened up the tap/faucet so it can POUR if we want it to. Fill up the tub!
  8. marildiKen, this is one meaty post. 🙂You wrote: “Every problem carries with it the underlying truth necessary to resolve it; accessing the necessary truth brings Solution. You come closer to recognizing your individual basic necessary truth. When you reach that point, you support and increase, or awaken and inspire, the spirit of Solution all around you.”By “recognizing your individual basic necessary truth.” I guess you’re talking about the individual’s basic purpose this lifetime – or maybe more than one lifetime.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comA hot question, Marildi. Well, thanks for posing it. The most I’ll say about it is that the essence of You is directly connected to the Truth that underlies all existence and it is a state in which there is no untruth. As you reduce any untruth in your own space/existence, you increase your connection to the Truth that underlies all existence. What I was talking about in the post was that you do all this on a gradient, bit by bit, untruth by untruth. The process may or may not be connected with a basic purpose but very likely is.
      The Buddha is said to have said: Mischief is yours./Sorrow is yours./But also yours/Are virtue and purity./You are the source/Of all purity/And all impurity./No-one purifies another. Recognizing that I am the source of all impurity within me, I remove any impurity I can find, as best I can. Seeing impurity in another, I can help him/her address it if he or she wishes it; I can learn from seeing how another deals with his/her own impurity.
      1. marildiKen: “What I was talking about in the post was that you do all this on a gradient, bit by bit, untruth by untruth. The process may or may not be connected with a basic purpose but very likely is.”Okay, got it. It’s the process itself that is likely connected to purpose. Makes sense – it’s like the purpose is the “carrier wave.” The “essence” of You would be more basic than purpose – most basic. We could say You are not your purpose, just as You are not your body. That indicates. Thank you, Ken.I did get that you were describing a gradient approach in using the powerful stable datum you presented: “Anyone who speaks and practices that which is true, necessary, and kind, is working towards Solution.”I would say that is the perfect guiding principle for those of us who have already delved into a lot of significance in Scientology, and along with the practice of it have had enough experience looking inward to be able to trust ourselves – or, as you put it, “to be a human being wanting your truth deeply and strongly enough to trust yourself to relax back into it.”Like I said, that is one meaty blog post. My deepest curtsy. 🙂
        1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Marildi. I know you’re not suggesting this, but perhaps I should add that ‘necessary, true, and kind’ is not a system nor a process nor anything mechanical; it arises out of trust in self’s ability to know or find out what is unnecessary, untrue, or unkind. But perhaps that is what you are saying already?
          Oops. I bowed so deeply my great big wig fell off.
          1. marildiYes, I was using the word “process” in the sense of “the process of becoming truth.” The best definition I could find was the first one below, as opposed to the second:: something going on : proceeding
            : a series of actions or operations conducing to an end
  “Process” in this context is a proceeding. Wise of you to anticipate any possible ambiguity!And thanks for the LOL. 😀
          2. urqbones@gmx.comVery good then: all done and diddled (for now).
  9. Ken NewtonHi Ken,
    I found your blog through Ant and enjoyed reading it.
    Lang may yer lum reek!
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Ken, and welcome, and thanks for your ack and seasonal greeting!
      May there be plenty of reeking in your lum, and may it leek only through the top!
  10. WorselHello Ken, I am so glad that you communicate!
    The observations and things you tell are of great value; they give occasion to enlarge understanding.
    I think that the closest way to understand a person is by looking through this persons eyes and from his viewpoint and consider as many of the circumstances he dealt with or had to consider – as much as that can be approached.
    (For that reason I read recently “Twelve Against The Gods” by William Bolitho, a book Ron had recommended several times from 1952 on. It is about the history of great adventurers and it gave me a new angle from which to view LRH and his life.)
    Thank you very much, Ken!
    p.s.: I found your blog through Ant.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Worsel, and thank you very much for your words of encouragement. So glad you found the blog through Ant. [I tried to send a mailing to my e-mail list but it got so complicated I haven’t confronted getting back to it.] I completely agree that one must look through another’s eyes, walk in his/her shoes, and attempt to share that person’s view of self. Thanks for the reference to the book; I’ll look out for it. Another angle, by the way, is that presented in “The Outsider,” by Colin Wilson — a book I read as I was discovering scn, and it meant a great deal to me personally. LRH was by any measure a true Outsider.
      1. WorselThanks Ken, I will look into the book.
        Below the quotes I referred to:
        “There is never a great adventurer who did not end his career upon having discovered the sacred treasure of Peru. Bolitho, good old Bolitho, with his “Twelve against the Gods” – It’s a wonderful thing to read – gorgeous! And the introduction of “Twelve against the Gods” is one of the best pieces of work I know of, even related to a lot of things, and particularly to this subject.” (Cycles of Action, 521205, PDC 16)
        “Now, when I Say “great criminals of history”, I’m talking about people like Alexander the Great. This man was no less a criminal simply because he was Alexender tha Great. The “Twelve against the Gods” by Bolitho is an index and discussion of this personality. But it’s above enthusiasm. These people were tremendously effective. They were way above tone of the human race. But what they did was very markedly harmful. But they didn’t seem to have any conscience about it at all.” (R2-61: Good and Evil, R 2-62: Overt-Act-Motivator Sequence, 541021, 8 ACC)
        “I would hate to choose a favorite work of fiction of anyone – including myself. You didn’t ask about non-fiction so I offer that I’ve always enjoyed Bolitho’s “Twelve against the Gods”. His introduction is especially good.” (Rocky Mountain News, 20 February 1983)
        1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Worsel. Quotes are interesting. I take back my connection of LRH with The Outsider. On looking at it again, I can see that although LRH was an outsider, he wasn’t an Outsider in Colin Wilson’s terms.
  11. OnuYes, Ken. I think we have long known that when we see things as they are, they dissolve into understanding, and that when we spot fixed conditions, they disappear. Bhudda is said to.have realised that things appear and disappear. LRH understood this and went several steps further.LRH codified this principle into the Conditions of Existence, As, Alter, Is, Not per Scn Axiom 11. Therein we find the entire process of inspiration, relating, originality and negating. We also find the key to ending cycle on the process at the point of origination. We also fnd the key to resolving conditions of Negation or Not-Isness is to recognise and rehabilitate Isness which brings us to the valuable perspective offered by kindness as a guiding principle, the principle said embodied by Maitreya.Tracing backwards through the conditions we are faced with subjects and objects of perception determined by our own assignments and assumptions.Some things are true for self, others, everyone and all. Other things disappear (simply cease to exist) because we see them as they are and they are gone in an instant, other things dissolve into understanding, isness, reality.So it could be said that there is a condition of Isness which is beyond the dissolution of the mechanical conditions of existence as elucidated in Scn Axioms 12, 20, 23, 24.In fact we find this is a demonstrable truth which people with or without knowledge of Scientology terms define as the Reality of Me, Us, Everyone in a ‘Place’ of Understanding per Total ARC, independent of the mechanical conditions of existence, Here.The hallmark of this recognition is the dissolution of separateness between people whilst each maintains their sense of themselves and each other’s uniqueness.People commonly define this experience as one of Reality, a Place of Understanding and Love, Home, independent of the mechanical conditions of Existence.From this appreciation of the natural underlying sense of understanding and love between people is born a deep sense of Compassion.Thus we come full circle on the topic as introduced by Ken here and may note that LRH principles, correctly and fully applied per the fundamental Axioms of Scientology, result in understandings of a comparable nature to those acheived by both the Bhudda and the Christ and if we go one step further, lead us towards Kindness and Compassion as fundamental principles of spiritual freedom and enlightenment. 😊
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you for this, Onu. Beautifully expressed (and appealing to me not only because you pay the compliment of expanding on what I was saying).
  12. Stewart WilcoxI believe a Bhuddist thought is that each of us is climbing the same mountain from a different base point, so each of our climbs is unique. Our neighbor may help by advising us of what he sees ahead, but he cannot dictate the path we must follow.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comI’ll second that. 🙂
      At the same time, I think we can acknowledge that there is much in “The Bridge” that is extremely helpful to those looking for some hatting on getting along one’s path.
  13. Tim-SI’m late to this party, sorry. An excellent article, well written and concise. I wish I had written it.LRH was a man of many views and activity. Yes, he was a rascal at times and sometimes he was mean. But he was also brilliant and his particular line of pursuit is of benefit to us all. IMO.I am an admirer of the ability of the man to do what he did. Some may like his approach to these spiritual matters and others not. The methods he developed, to assist with our recovery of our true natures is a remarkable feat. There are those that have benefited greatly from his work, I am one such, and desirous of others achieving the same.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Tim-S, and thank you very much for your comments and for joining us. Apologies for delay in posting your comment; for some reason WordPress thought you are a spammer and I didn’t notice this going on. Will remember to watch out for this from now on.Your positive attitude on the subject is well expressed and welcome here. Thank you.
      I agree that not all can work with his approach, and have to say I’m not on top of why this should be. Obviously, there is work to be done on the question(s) involved. [It’s not my work to do. I hope there is someone to do it and that he/she/they have time to do it.]Agreed also that overall his work is of benefit to all. I’ll go so far as to say that he stands with the greatest of spiritual enlighteners in that he is the one who found the key to a long-locked gate across all our paths: the key he gave us is the practical method of achieving as-isness of mental mass. And it is a method that any human being can learn to apply to help both self and others. The use of this key opens paths to the enlightenment promised and urged by our other spiritual leaders. This of course is simply my opinion.Thank you also for your kind words about the post you read and responded to. I can’t say that kind remarks are necessary for me, but I do definitely commit to considering that the kinder they are, the truer they are. 🙂

Comments are closed.


Introduction, brief..

Introduction, brief…

Hello, and Thank You for visiting.

My name: Kenneth G. Urquhart.

Brief bio: Born in South Wales, UK, in 1938, to a family as Scottish as could be.

A Theosophy friend of my father’s introduced me to Scientology at the London organization in 1957. I went to Saint Hill Manor in 1963 to work as L. Ron Hubbard’s “butler”. In early 1965 I became LRH Communicator [his agent or representative] in the Saint Hill Organization; had various executive positions in that organization or in the World Wide Organization that administered the international Scientology network. In 1968, LRH called me to the ship.

“SEND URQ TO FLAG QUIETLY”, read the telexed order. “Flag” was the big boat LRH was sailing about in, no-one knew where. I didn’t have plans to go to the ship, but off I went. Two things drove me: firstly, the implication of “quietly” fascinated me – was he going to keel-haul and dispose of me, out to sea, with no evidence to show that I’d ever been aboard? I just had to know what he intended. Secondly, curiosity awakened: it would be good to know what he was about generally and what he would do next with his life. He’d said to me one day, in his bedroom in the Manor, with a wry smile, “Life around me may be difficult, but it is never dull.” How true.

Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard have been by far the most dominant parts of my life. Between them, they have brought me my highest and some of the lowest points. Now, over 40 years after I parted company with the Church of Scientology in 1982, I think it’s time I came to terms with what it all means to me. For although I am an insignificant footnote in this history of  LRH and Scientology, I was a witness to certain things, things I saw with my own eyes and heard with my own ears, noted to myself with whatever discernment I had. It is as well to leave a sincerely reflected-on testimony as honest as I can make it. [And so, I believe, should all whose eyes saw what they saw and whose ears heard what they heard, noting what they noted. Please.]

Some more information on my Scientology history after going to the ship is in the next post. It may not be easy reading for anyone not familiar with Scientology and its general history. It will not suffer by being ignored.CATEGORIESREFLECTIONS ON SCIENTOLOGY AND L. RON HUBBARDTAGSAPOLLOKEN URQUHARTKENNETH G. URQUHARTL.RON HUBBARDLRHLRH PERS COMMLRH PERSONAL COMMUNICATORSCIENTOLOGYSEA ORG

54 Replies to “Introduction, brief…”

  1. Ann B WatsonSo wonderful to find this Ken.Thank you from my heart for what you leave as your early days with Ron & his ways.I joined Sea Org at Asho F in 1974 after reading DMSMH & lasted four years.The first two as a Forever SOer and the last two as an SOer who was put through the wringer by the GO and saw the black hat exchanged for the white.I blew in 78 otherwise I would not be here today.Honest testimonies are as lightning bolts hurled right back at the cult.I loved Ron once and would have given my life for the SO until I saw the wrecks from disconnections,fair gaming,GO Intel fun & games KSW and all the rest leading on into I look forward to your next post.You are another warrior.❤️
    1. Ann B WatsonHi Ken, Thank you for your email.I am not the wizard with computers like most,but I do see my original message above I can copy it here because that I About my speed with my IPad.My email. So wonderful to find this Ken,your piece on FB.Thank you from my heart for what you wrote about your early days with Ron & his ways.I joined SO @ Asho Fdn after only reading DMSMH & lasted four years.The first two as a Forever SOer & the last two as an SOer who was put through the wringer by the GOand saw the white hat exchanged for black.I blew in 78 otherwise I would not be alive today.Honest testimonies are as lightning bolts hurled right back at the cult.I loved Ron & would have given my life for the SO until I saw the wrecks from disconnections,fair gaming,GO Intel fun&games and KSW etc.Yiu are another warrior and I look forward to your posts.Between you and me,I am slowly getting to the point where I forgive Ron.I have to get there 100% so that the old hurts dissolve like morning mist.Thank you & 💛
      1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Ann, and thanks for putting your post up again. So you had your adventures too! If your path is to find the way to forgive Ron, may you get there soon. 🙂
    2. Ann B WatsonHi Ken,Today is Sun 1/22/17.I have been trying to send you my original comment,but bad gremlins cause it to go missing each time.Let me try again.I believe I wrote that it was such a strong and true post you shared about your time with Ron.I joined SO at Asho Fdn 1974 & blew late 78.I had only read DMSMH when I joined and was instantly a Forever SOer.The first two years were as Theta as it got in some ways for me.Then the white hat turned black and I was subjected to a rougue I believe GO Intelligence group that made my life hell for about a year and a half.If I had not left I would not be around today.So I was before dm although I have learned so much about that shark and I certainly have fought demons,like cancers from my SO Time.I wanted to say I admire you and although I hate Disconnection,Fair Gaming,Sec checkings KSW all the punishment trappings of the cult,at 65 I have realized I have to forgive Ron 100% if I am to keep climbing upward on my path.Believe me I am not there yet but working on it.He and the Tech may have hurt me very badly but he also went through body & mind hell his last years. ❤️
      1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Ann, and thanks for the further information. Yes, the movement went into a bad place. And, Yes, it was avoidable. I plan to post shortly about what I think LRH should have done, in my know-better hindsight. I am sorry indeed that you and so many others had such a bad time after your early enthusiastic embrace of the group and its proclaimed aims. At the same time, I believe that every bit of experience helps bring us closer to our truth, and that the more painful the experience, the more valuable the truth it teaches us. Let me say that you are adopting one of the best ways of learning from someone who you feel has harmed you — looking at the situation through his eyes. This, I think, is truly the gate to peace of mind and heart.
  2. Olivia KorringaHi Ken! So great to hear from you again, and to have the opportunity to read your beautiful writing.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Olivia! And thanks for visiting. Sorry for delay in responding to your kind message. Am having to hat myself on WordPress and Blogging.
  3. Roger wellerKen I just left you a note on dans post.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Roger! Sorry for delay. Still hatting myself on WordPress. 🙁
  4. Robin ScottHi KenSo glad you have decided to do this. Your story is one of the most authentic and important to be told. I look forward to reading every chapter with the greatest enthusiasm, my friend.With love and best wishes, Robin
  5. Kent BengtssonThank you for this Ken,
    I just read through what you have written so far. All very good.There is however one thing I was hoping to see more of from someone who knew LRH well – some stories involving the two or you or about how he interacted with people at different times.You say that he changed as time progressed. I would be interested to see what specific things he said or did that in your opinion led to the changes in the organization and the creating or enemies. I believe he could at times be quite paranoid and manipulative and that he had problems with his own health and case. I would be interesting to hear more of specific instances about this.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Kent. There’s a lot to tell! Can’t tell it all at once!
  6. Peter MoonGlad to see this, Ken! Congratulations on completing this.
  7. Vinay AgarwalaWhat year did you part company with the Church of Scientology?
    1. urqbones@gmx.comIn 1982, in early November, Vinay.
  8. Elaine HenwoodDear Ken, I look forward to your reflections. Love to you, Elaine.
  9. Alex CastilloGreat to hear from you Ken. I will follow your blog
  10. Stewart WilcoxI’ve waited a considerable time to read your story Ken. I think you are uniquely placed to describe and comment on LRH. I believe you to be an unbiased witness. Thank you for publishing this blog.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Stewart. It’s been a long and bumpy road…but am glad to have got this far.
    2. marildiMy sentiments exactly.
      1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you. 🙂
        After the broth will come the pudding and its proving. 🙂
  11. Rebecca JessupThank you so much for doing this. There is so much sound and fury about what has happened since the 1980s, I’m glad to find a calm and measured voice, a witness reflecting with deep knowledge and compassion on those years. A thousand thanks!
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you so much, Rebecca, for your kind ack, and for getting what I’m trying to do.
      Will you be our official Latin translator?
  12. Fred RandallVery happy to see you are doing this Ken.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comTa, Freddie, old friend 🙂
  13. OnuGreetings Ken,
    Your measured tone and grace is like a breath of fresh air accompanied by a delicate and uplifting fragrance of truth.Thankyou.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comDeep bow, Onu. Thank you.
  14. Richard KaminskiA great blog, Ken, thank you for taking the time and trouble to put it together. Your thoughts are hugely appreciated.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Richard. Thank you for sharing the path. We have a way to go…..
  15. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75-03Ken,What does it mean, Scottish born in South Wales?Wales birth by a Scottish person, that’s almost being a Scottish immigrant family in Wales, or in South Wales?Was that distinction of being Scottish in Wales noticeable to you growing up, like any discrimination or outsider negative connotation to your Scottish birth?The UK is so vast and so much history, so much to learn the fine distinctions the UK populations grow up so much more literate in the language.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comScottish by blood; parents (and brothers) moved to Wales before I was born (father went there to get work).
      I was proud of being Scottish; lived with maternal grandparents in Scotland during the War (WW2) after mother died. Went back to Wales with a Scottish accent at age 8 or 9, and lost the accent as quickly as I could because the boys teased it out of me. I didn’t like being back in Wales but in those days, children were sent here and there like so many packages in the mail.
  16. chuckbeattyxSeaOrg75-03This is priceless stuff here, for posterity.100 years from now, those interested in the upclose people around LRH’s life, for whatever their researcher/historian/practitioner motives will absolutely appreciate Ken’s writings.I’m glued to them, reading and re-reading them.I’m a harsh critic, but Jen’s and Janis Grady’s writings are just the best.Ken is just a joy to read, posterity will thank him for his well spokenness.The more details the better.Chuck Beatty
    ex OEC/FEBC Course Sup and Word Clearer 1977-1983, I endlessly from that time til now, puzzled over the missing backstory of the top firsthand participants around LRH, especially in Ken’s whirlwind LRH Pers Comm years of the top management changes.
  17. Stewart WilcoxI’m sure your testament Ken will step couragiously through the polemic minefield laid by the pro and anti LRH warring factions. I am so grateful you are bold enough to ignore both and speak your mind.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comThanks, Stewart.
      I’ll be stepping on some mines ere long, I don’t doubt. But so what? It’s just noise.
      1. Vinay AgarwalaKen, I am glad that your viewpoint is objective with respect to LRH. Here is what I believe:General principle of objectivity: The essential criterion of objectivity is continuity, harmony and consistency among all observations..
        1. urqbones@gmx.comThank you, Vinay, for the viewpoint and for the implied compliment.
          My own perverse view is that in being objective one is exterior to the subject while willing to remain connected to it within the bounds of what is true, necessary, and kind; one can be a little bit exterior to it or greatly so.
          1. Vinay AgarwalaTruth can be a fixed idea. 🙂
          2. urqbones@gmx.comYes, to a fixed person comfortable with fixed viewpoints, right? And if, so, then we could say that that person’s “truth” arises out of non-confront. But since this is so obvious, I’m feeling I must be missing your point. Elucidate if you need/wish. 🙂
          3. Vinay AgarwalaAn example is LRH’s statement,THE DYNAMIC PRINCIPLE OF EXISTENCE IS: SURVIVE!Most people regard this as “truth”. Is that really so? How does this “survive!” compare to “evolve”?
          4. urqbones@gmx.comUnderstood in the LRH statement you quote: “The Dynamic Principle of Existence WITHIN THE PHYSICAL UNIVERSE IS: Survive.”
            Yes, most people might regard this as a guiding principle, or the guiding principle of their lives but observe also that each has his own interpretation of the term ‘survive’, observe that conceptions of ‘survival’ closely relate to tone level, and observe that a fundamental error (invited by the physical universe itself as was deliberately designed) is to assume firstly that physical universe survival is both important and necessary, and secondly that the physical universe is the only environment in which ‘survival’ is possible. Any who believe this will believe anything. And, boy, do they believe. Dedicatedly.
          5. Vinay AgarwalaHaha! This is an excellent example of “truth can be fixed idea”. As you said, “It comes down to inetrpretation”. A person never thinks that his beliefs are not true. To a flat-earther, the flat earth is the truth.In the above explanation of yours, it seems inconsistent to assume that there is a physical universe seperate and independent of the spiritual universe. In my opinion, physical and spiritual are the aspects of the same universe.This is why I consider the general principle of objectivityto be,The essential criterion of objectivity is continuity, harmony and consistency among all observations.I apologize for intruding with this philosophy here.
          6. urqbones@gmx.comAre you telling us, Vinay, that the idea “truth can be a fixed idea” is a fixed idea of yours? If so, thank you for having it and for promoting it. 🙂
            We acknowledge your thoughtful apology, thank you, without any feeling of offence having been caused.
            Let’s remember that a person has viewpoints and thoughts, willy-nilly; every person is also free to be mindful that he/she doesn’t know everything and might at any moment happily discover something so truthful that all prior viewpoints and thoughts become instantly invalid. A person never mindful of such possibilities is a poor person indeed. For myself, I would like to add this or similar mindfulness to your essential criterion of objectivity — how can anyone other than Supreme Whatever know that “all observations” means “all observations of relevant phenomena I might not be aware of yet”?
            Yes, I can agree that physical and spiritual are aspects of the same something-or-other, in that it is the spiritual that creates the physical. That they are aspects doesn’t make them identical, though. It seems we have to agree to disagree. I am unable not to separate them and to regard the spiritual as senior. Out of the kind of person I am I differ from you; out of the kind of person you are, you differ from me. Vive la difference, toujours!
          7. Vinay AgarwalaViewpoint and ideas evolve as more observations are made and continuity, harmony and consistenty is continually reestablished.That is how science works. That is what I have understood from my studies of Eastern philosophy (India), Nuclear physics (MIT) and Scientology (USA).All my best to you, my friend, Ken.
          8. urqbones@gmx.comUnderstood, Vinay. Thank you. 🙂
  18. Peter MoonAs I read the appreciative comments of your account of LRH, I think that you words will garnish more attention and respect as time rolls on. With figures who achieve great notoriety, there is a tendency for the public to de-humanize them by building a stereotype that then gets reinforced. The prejudice of racism uses this exact strategy to reinforce their errant beliefs. In the case of LRH, this applied to the positive as well as the negative. Scientologists who were on board with LRH too often would put him on a pedestal. When they find him not worthy of the pedestal they put them on, they polarize and go the opposite way. Good or bad, the name of LRH gets a more potent “needle reaction” than people like Stalin or Hitler. The only reason I can assume is that people are comfortable with the idea of Stalin or Hitler, feeling rather free and disconnected from their evils. The hyper reaction to LRH suggests they still have not figured him out.
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Peter, and thanks. I agree that it will take time for the comm lag to flatten. However, I’d add that all the respected spiritual leaders who have spoken to us have urged us, in essence, to grow up, to mature, to become adult in accepting our responsibilities to ourselves, to others, and to the environment (including, in many cases, a conception of Supreme Reality). And, in general, mankind continues to be deaf to what they taught. There seems to be no likelihood of that comm lag reducing any time soon, if ever. But soon, mankind will be over the cliff into the deep abyss of the chaos of unhappy nothing. Awareness and attention will fixate on immediate, basic survival, minute-by-minute. We will have to lie on the horrible bed we have made for ourselves.
      “Ten thousand men can take a horse to water but not one of them can make the horse drink.” [Traditional]
      “Woe unto you that are rich, for ye have received your consolation; Woe unto you who are full now, for ye shall hunger; Woes unto you that laugh now, for ye shall mourn and weep. Woe unto you when all men shall speak well of you, for so did their fathers to the FALSE prophets.” [New Testament; I added the emphasis]
      1. Robin ScottYes, Ken, your rather sober assessment today resonates with me:“But soon, mankind will be over the cliff into the deep abyss of the chaos of unhappy nothing. Awareness and attention will fixate on immediate, basic survival, minute-by-minute. We will have to lie on the horrible bed we have made for ourselves.”Beautifully put, my friend!
        1. urqbones@gmx.comWell, thanks, Robin. It’s also sadly put….
        2. Vinay AgarwalaMore important than survival is evolution.
          1. urqbones@gmx.comWell, Vinay, it strikes me that this is close to the chicken-and-egg dilemma. One can’t evolve if one can’t survive but one can’t survive if he can’t evolve.
            I sidestep any dilemma by considering that nothing whatever within the physical universe has the slightest importance.
            What alone is important is one’s relationship with the senior reality within which this physical universe exists.
  19. Roger Barnes D.C.Hi Ken,Am enjoying this blog. I remember meeting John Henry. I think it was also the first time I met you. SH Manor kitchen circa 1967. I was SH night watchman (paid for my Dianetics Course that way but left me a little short of sleep – I slept 9 am to 4 pm 5 days a week). John laughed a lot and had this dark tan complexion. No surprise to me that he batted for the other side. I remember the bell cabinet in the kitchen like the one in Downton Abbey – was it Princess Bubbles up there on that board, an earlier link from the maharajah’s occupancy? Good times.I wanted to just chat a bit about what you have recently written about your views of the world and your expectations of what’s to come. Do you remember that Q & A you and I had back in 1975 when you first joined me in the RPF at the Fort Harrison? Do you think that area might be resonating again?I wish you joy,
    1. urqbones@gmx.comHello, Roger, and thanks for joining us. Super to have you. 🙂
      Sorry to say my memory is selective. Some things seem to be as clear as anything, other things have gone. I recall nothing about noticing names on the bell board.
      More sorry to say I can’t bring up anything of our conversation in the RPF. On my time-line, I went there in 1978.
      Will be happy to say if I think that might be resonating again if you’ll kindly clarify for me what it is that might be resonating. Thanks, and apologies.
      All the best, Roger.
      1. Roger Barnes D.C.Hi Ken
        I’ll attempt to contact you via email.
        1. urqbones@gmx.comGreat. Old gmail address still works.